Sippy Cup Chardonnay

Making #2 is Hard to Do

2010-05-31T16:49:00.000-07:00

I know, I know, potty humor. I apologize. If you've been reading my blog for the last 2 years you know I have a 1st grade mentality when it comes to these things. However, today's post is not about the act of making "a" number 2, so much as growing one.

Yup, that's right. Here is the wee one now, vamping it up for his/her mama. If you notice the little white spot above the nose, that is it's hand, waving to us. Only 11 weeks old and already a charmer.

So if you're wondering where the heck I've been, you can pick any number of activities to visualize during the last 11 weeks. Firstly, blowing chunks in various locations around town (last time at Target!). Ok, so maybe you don't want to visualize that one....Second, sleeping whenever the opportunity presents itself, which isn't often considering I have a 2 and a half year old wild man. Hmmmm, if you REALLY want to get a good sense, maybe you can picture me stuffing my face full of powdered donuts, cool ranch Doritos, and stuffed olives while wearing Brian's sweatpants and old t-shirts. That's mostly what's been going on.

Oh that, and I've been growing a human. (This is the phrase I use with Brian when I want to get out of making dinner and take a nap instead. It's pretty useful).

If you give a toddler a donut.....

2010-04-15T14:50:00.000-07:00

(If you've ever read any of the "If you give a _ a _" books by Laura Numeroff, this post will make much more sense to you. Ok that, OR if you've been a parent to a 2 year old.)
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If you give a toddler a donut, he's going to want some chocolate milk to go with it.

From January 2010

Drinking his chocolate milk will remind him that he found some chocolate in Easter eggs a few weeks ago at the park, so he'll want to go immediately back to said park just in case he overlooked any nooks and crannies.

Because he is going to "hunt for treasure" he'll want to wear his pirate hat. He'll also want to wear his pajamas with the treasure boxes on them, but will thoroughly protest to a diaper change.

While you are holding the bucking bronco down to change his diaper, he'll remember that he ALSO wants to bring a shovel to the park. Not the little shovel, but the BIG shovel papa uses in the backyard.

After searching for the shovel in the garage (and sticking his hands into numerous spider webs and other yucky things), he'll change his mind and decide that a ride in the car would be more fun.

On the car ride, you will pass by the library and he will scream murder until you stop at the library and find him a book on cats with swords. (This is directly in opposition to the grocery store trip you were planning to make).

You will use the library computer to reference "cats" and "swords" and while you are standing at the computer, he will disappear in 10 seconds.

You will find him easily, because he'll have completely forget his "inside voice" while doing a song and dance solo on the story-time stage.

From March 2010

The LOUD little ditty might go like this:

WHO MADE A FART? NOAH! NOAH!
WHO MADE A FART? BROTHER NOAH MADE A FART!
(sung to the tune of Raffi's "Who Built the Ark?")

You will be mortified. You will start to sweat. You will probably remember that you needed to go to the grocery store specifically to get more deodorant. You will think to yourself, What in F is wrong with me? Am I nuts? He's 2 and I'm 31. I CALL THE SHOTS! This crap needs to stop right now.

Sensing your parental epiphany, your toddler will cock his eyebrow and promptly take off running down the aisles.

Once you catch up to him and have a very concentrated grown-up talk about proper behavior, he will give you the raspberries. After that spectacular parenting moment, you might just give up and promise him a donut to get back into the car.

And chances are, if you promise him a donut, you are going to have to buy some chocolate milk at the grocery store to go with it.

Mama, Nooooooooo! Keep Your Face On!

2010-02-12T21:46:00.000-08:00

It tickles me that I learn something new about parenting every day. And by "tickles me" I really mean that in the heat of the moment I want scream and throw things, but later I manage to find some semblance of humor in the situation.

Today, like many days, I dragged Noah somewhere we wasn't too excited to go. After a week of dark circles and the discovery of yet more fine lines (nothing "fine" about those jerks), I was in serious need of some beautifying. Since Botox scares me and is a bit out of my price range, I decided a nice brow wax would suffice. I think I read in Cosmo once that brow waxes are like a mini-face lift. Sure if your brows look like this, I guess...

But mine was nothing so dramatic. I just wanted a little pampering before a Valentine's Day date this weekend.

Anyhoo, off to the spa we went. I came armed with cookies, milk and a download of the Wiggles on my iPhone. (This is the part where I am supposed to seem experienced and wise as a parent).
I mean a brow wax is what, like 15 minutes? Surely he couldn't cause that much damage in such a short amount of time.

I waited until we were going down the hall to the spa to pull out the goodies and Noah began to wolf down the cookies as soon as the treatment door closed. 45 seconds after he finished the cookies (seriously there was a whole freaking bag of them. gone in less than a minute) he began to pay more and more attention to what was going on.

Noah: What Mama doing?

Me: Don't worry about it sweetie. Here, check out this video. It has Captain Feathersword, your fav-or-ite!!!

Noah: Hmmm. No thanks. What Mama doing?

Me: Well honey, Mama's getting her eyebrows done. I want to look nice for Papa.

*first strip is ripped off*

Noah (voice elevating): Noooo! I don't like it. Don't do it anymore!!!

*rip*
*rip*

Noah: AHHHHHHH. NO MAMA. KEEP YOUR FACE ON!!! DON'T. HURT. MY. MAMA!!!

This lead to inconsolable crying and screaming, which may have put a damper on the woman in the next room's therapeutic massage. The poor girl working on my brows is so freaked at the intensity of the crying that she actually backs up into the corner with her hands up.

So, yeah, I left with one eyebrow done.

Currently, I look less like Freida, and more like this:

But at least I kept most of my "face on."

Lesson learned. Good thing I didn't go in for a bikini wax.

Ya Scummy Scab Scraper!

2010-02-11T06:33:00.000-08:00

After thinking about Kat's writing prompts this week, I decided to be bold, to be fierce, and to be more than a little gross. I have chosen to tell you about that scar. Or in my case, the many little scars.

(If you have an easily excitable gag-reflex, just know, you've been warned.)

It all started at the tender of I really don't remember. I must have been around 5? I remember doing a lot of running around at that age. You know, chasing boys around the playground in kindergarten, saying, "now you have cooties!" One of those times, in my attempt to spread my girly disease, I must have taken a tumble and ended up with a large scrape on my knee.

I was in love! No, not with the boys, but with my scab! It was fantastic! I was amazed that red liquid has slowly turned to a solid chunky mass; a band aid my body had made on its very own! I was so intrigued that i thought, this phenomenon must be studied. So I peeled that sucker off and put it in an empty baby jar.

Can you guess what happened next? (Well, after the initial tears and more blood) It came back!!! What resilience! This one wanted to hold on a bit longer, it must have known what was coming, but with the help of mommy's tweezers, it ended up in the jar too. (ha, ya bastard!)

Over the years the jar grew from baby jar to jelly jar. Sometimes, I would take it out from under my bed and stare at all the unique and amazing forms my scabs have taken. They were my badges of honor! This one from falling of my bike, that one from the corner of the coffee table (that one was long and straight!) Each time I would find one, off he would come, into the jar to join the others.

As you can imagine, all this "scientific exploration" had some backlash. I ended up with tiny scars from the places I picked, then picked again and again. I'd take a picture for you, but most have faded with the help of years and a little Mederma.

At this point you have lost a little faith in me. You are scratching your head wondering if I purposely injured myself. Keep heart. I never became a cutter. I never turned into a sociopath. I just kept a jar of scabs. Now that's not too weird is it? :P

2

2010-01-07T13:57:00.001-08:00

Dear Noah,

Today you are 2 years old. As you can see, Mama hasn't been writing in her blog lately. This hasn't made me sad. I have been having so many wonderful adventures with you, that I am just not in front of the computer that much anymore. Gone are the 2 naps a day, with one spent on housework and the other blogging. We spend our mornings playing at the park or going to classes. Our afternoons are filled with play dates and you "helping" Mama out with chores. I can't believe how much laundry you go through, but after watching you fill your socks with sand this morning, and then later "paint" your hand and shirt with markers, I can kinda guess why. Lucky for me you are almost always as willing to help clean up as you are to make messes.

From December 2009

From June 2009

You should know that your 2 year old self is quite a character. Anyone that doesn't think a toddler has personality yet needs to spend a few hours with Noah. Like Mama, you have a love of people. You often introduce yourself to older kids with a friendly handshake and a smile. Right now you are saying, "Hi. I'm Noah. What's your name?" to children (and often strangers) you encounter. It's pretty adorable until you tell me "Mama, your turn," and you drag me up to strangers in the grocery store and make me introduce myself. No one can ever accuse you of being an introvert.

From December 2009

From September

Not only do you enjoy meeting new friends, you also enjoy spending time with them. Right now you tell us your best buddy is Elsa. When you see her you give her a giant hug and the two of you end up in giggles. I love to watch you play chase and run and scream. I can tell you are going to have lots of great friends when you go to school, even though the thought makes Mama just a tiny bit jealous.

From September

From July 2009

Now I know this may surprise you (especially if you are a teenager and reading this), but your very BEST friend right now is me. Often you will voluntarily (gasp!) grab my hand and says, "friends." One of my favorite memories from this year was when we were sitting on a bench, eating lunch and you reached for my hand, leaned your head on my shoulder and said, "best friends." My heart melted into a million pieces.

From October 2009

From July 2009

Your Papa and I are continually surprised with how much you understand of the world already. You identify emotions with ease. You know that people have the power to make others feel happy and sad. When Mama is sad you say, "You ok, Mama?" and give me a pat on the back. You also observe and will note, "Papa's happy!" or "I hear a baby crying. It's sad." You certainly got your perceptiveness from your Papa. He may be quiet, but he always somehow know what people are thinking and feeling. If you ever need a good judge of character, go ask Papa.

From October 2009

From November 2009

A trait you received from Mama is your incredible imagination. Right now you are enamored with pirates. You have a pirate sword and hat and love to make believe you are a pirate. Today at the park, you climbed the rope ladder and shouted, "Avast, you scurvy dogs!"

From December 2009

As I know from experience, with great imagination often comes great (and often irrational) fears. Currently you are scared of a man that lives in your window. We can't quite figure that one out, but we let you sleep with your night light and your pirate sword in case the man gets any funny ideas.

From December 2009

Dear sweet boy, there are so many more things I would like to write about you; your love of music (singing and instruments - this year you were so into the drums and guitar!), your interest in anything with wheels, and your fascination with football (despite the fact Papa and I couldn't care less about sports). You however, have other ideas. Right now you have woken up from your nap and are saying, "Mama, where ARE YOU?!? I need you Mama!" And I simply can't resist.

Here I come turkey. Ready for new adventures and challenges with you. Thank you for all that you make me feel and how much you fill up my life.

From July 2009

I love you Noah James.

oxox,
Mama

Lucky

2009-11-19T06:48:00.000-08:00

It's been a while since my last post. Thank you for those of you who are sticking around to see how it all turns out. :)

I usually try and write with a sense of humor, (What?!? You don't think I am funny?) because I feel like life with a toddler can be full of shits and giggles if you only look at how ridiculous getting angry about things like pooping on the carpet is. However, the last few weeks I think my sense of humor got a case of H1N1. My "funny" has been stuck in bed, replaced by a more anxious/tense self who has little patience for people or difficult situations.

I actually had a post written, then edited, then re-written, then deleted and it was all about anxiety and how crappy I have been feeling lately. (I was anxious about my post even. Irony, much?) Reading it made me want to upchuck. I have way too many things to be thankful for to let myself be dragged into a pity-party. So I am making a list, lest I forget what a beautiful life I am blessed with.

Things I am LUCKY for:

HH. Is there a stronger word than "amazing?" I don't think that quite describes him. He puts up with my multitude of moods and still wants to come home early from work to see me. (That's usually when I shove Noah into his arms, grab a glass of Merlot and throw on Gossip Girl.) I can't believe how lucky I am to found a man so supportive and selfless.

My family. We don't always see eye to eye, but I know no matter how many grumbling texts or angry emails are sent, we are still there for each other. It's also nice to realize that EVERY family has problems. I mean, sheesh, turn on a daytime talk show. It least I know who my "real" daddy is and stuff. I will try to keep this lovely thought in my heart as we enter the holiday "how long are you staying at our house, again?" season.

My son. Oh baby. I get heavy in my heart just thinking of how much he depends on me. Its funny how that feeling can lead to such guilt and joy at the same time. BTW, Noah: Thank you, thank you for not crying when you got the flu vaccine. Mommy had a REALLY hard time wrestling with her decision to get it for you. I cried. You didn't. You are angel to trust your mommy so much. I hope I deserve that trust.

Friends. Amanda, Ali, Lisa, Sarah I am calling you out. You have helped me so many times the last few weeks. You are my sunshine. Oh and the trashy mags and champagne brunches haven't hurt either...

Health. Every day is truly a gift. We only get a set amount of days. I need to be more thankful that I can be active and have the opportunity to pursue the things I want to do (even if that is cleaning, doing laundry and chasing Noah as he runs out of the park).

As a last little nugget to myself, I need to recognize that all the above CANNOT be bought, so I need to worry less about money. With Christmas coming up, you may be feeling the pinch too. This year I will try not to stress to much about what to buy people and realize that happiness isn't something to be bought, but something you have to appreciate and nurture. I am hoping my list of "Lucky" does this for me. And maybe, when you are feeling stressed this holiday season, make yourself a little list of "lucky." I hope it helps.

A Bedtime Story

2009-10-26T07:02:00.001-07:00

While I was busy sipping cocktails and dancing on tables in Vegas, I left HH with toddler-sized problem and guess what...he fixed it. For this I owe him big-time, though I have tried making payment with blueberry pancakes and a 6 pack of Guinness. That counts as currency in man world, right?

What fantastic feat did HH do to deserve such service, you ask? He taught our 21 month old how to sleep in his toddler bed. In one weekend.

Don't you wish every problem could be like that? Your toddler gives you yet another puzzle to solve and you promptly leave on a trip, letting hubby figure it out.

Me: What? Noah's biting his friends again at the park? I think I will fly off to Italy tomorrow and let YOU handle this one honey. Have it solved by Monday morning, ok?

Ummm, yeah, so it didn't totally go like that. It was more like... "Oh frick. Oh frick. Noah's jumping out of his crib again and I am leaving for the weekend. Please God, what is this crappy timing about? Can't this wait until he's 5? Yes, I think 5 is a good time for a toddler bed..."

Then later:
"Double frick! Now that he's in his toddler bed, he won't stay in there. I think we have to lock his door at night...Does this make me a bad mother? Am I damaging him emotionally?"

Yah, so I was a little stressed out. I left for Vegas with a very guilty mommy conscience.

So how did HH perform his miracle? With a simple little trick - a nightlight. On Saturday, he and Noah went out and bought this:

It charges on a dock, so you don't have to worry about a cord and it doesn't get hot. It also turns many different colors and has a timing mode that shuts off automatically in 15 minutes.

For some reason this little gems works wonders. I guess, like his Mama, Noah is not a big fan of the dark. HH, knowing his wife so well, thought maybe his son might benefit from a night-light friend he could hold while he slept (I call my friend my iPhone).

Phew, what a difference it made! No more screaming and banging on the door. No more hyper-ventilation crying. At the end of his bedtime routine each night, we hand him is GlowMate. He whines briefly when his door is shut and sometimes will check the door knob, but mostly he just lays in his bed, playing and talking to his light until he falls asleep.

I no longer feel guilty for locking his door, because I know he is much safer not roaming around the house. And I can sleep easy, with a happy heart, knowing his "friend" is keeping him company.

Thank you, thank you, HH for making this story have a happy ending.

BTW, Noah's still peeing on the carpet. I think it might be a good time for me to visit Sufia in Africa. Be back in a week...

SITScation: Gossip Girl Edition

2009-10-21T13:46:00.000-07:00

Hey beautiful bloggers, it's the "Sippy Cup" Gossip Girl here, your one and only source into the scandulous lives of the ladies of SITS. What's making the headling on my homepage? Well, it's SITScation, of course.

Which sitsta was caught at cocktail hour being just as cute and quirky as her blog?

What head-band wearing mama completely rocked the house with her speech? Hint: It's not Blair Waldorf.

Fashionista's take note: Black tights are THE NEW THING. Check out S rocking the flapper girl look.

Who's bloggy warmth was just as real in person?

Scandal alert! Which of these lovely ladies was spotted table dancing after hours in the VIP section at a hot Vegas club? You know, I'll never tell.

XOXO

Gossip Girl

Wordful Wednesday - So Tonight We're Gonna Potty Like It's 1999

2009-10-14T14:53:00.001-07:00

Ever since watching the Elmo's Potty Time video, Noah's been all about the potty. He requests to watch the DVD at least 2 times a day, then he cracks himself up, running around the living room shouting "Wee-wee" and "Woo-woo." (I mean really, what the hell is a woo-woo?)

Anyways, just like Elmo promised, once Noah had a few success stories under his belt, it was time to go out and buy some Big Boy training pants. The "shot" below is his first time trying them on. He totally wanted me to take his picture to show his Papa. He ran over to me, said "Cheese!" and proceeded to take a big whiz on the carpet.

In case you missed it. I circled it in purple for you. And yes, that IS a mid-stream shot. :P

The Housewife Survival Handbook

2009-10-03T13:40:00.000-07:00

The first part of this post starts at our local Barnes and Noble; a mecca for the stay at home mom. As soon as I swing open the door and the rush of cool, coffee scented air fills my lungs, I feel my shoulders relax and my grip on Noah's struggling hand release. He runs to the train table and mama grabs herself a whipped frap and a magazine.

This is one our afternoon routines I look forward to and it usually goes pretty smoothly (unless there are not enough trains for all the kiddies, then the claws come out). This particular afternoon I had finished my US weekly and Noah was still busy with James and Percy, so I decided to check out the clearance aisle. I freely admit I am a book junkie and that the only way to support my habit is either through my enabling friends or books with a red tag. Surely, those book purchases are justifiable. The red label means it's close to free, right?

Anyhoo, the title of this book caught my eye:

It was the Improved Housewife that did it. Clearly I could use some improving. Typically my "recipes" consist of whatever Trader Joe's packages I warmed up and my home-maker uniform/outfit is usually post-park grunge with a smear of apple sauce.

I admit, I was a little freaked out about the words marketing and carving. Was the author still talking about food here? Or were we on more dangerous territory? Did I need marketing or carving? After reading that US Weekly, I wasn't so sure.

I had to laugh then when I opened the book and found the copyright date. 1851. Ok, phew.

Whatever mana of knowledge this book contained has been since drained by the age of the mircowaves and micro-minis. That's more like the mama's I know.

But still, I was left with a yearning...where was my year 2000 survival guide? Where are bullet points on 10 minute recipes that prepare themselves and an accompanying educational activity to do with your toddler while that meal is cooking? Where are the paragraphs under the heading "What to do on Wednesday when you've already been to the zoo once and the park 3 times this week?" or "How to answer important phone calls when your toddler is screaming?"

I searched Google. I couldn't find it.

So ladies, I throw this task out to you. I have read some pretty freakin-awesome blogs out there and I know you mamas are up for the challenge.

If they can have this:

They can have The Housewife Survival Handbook. I mean, it's only fair. That first book might even lead to being a housewife.

Also, you can totally take my title. Just send me a free copy so I can read it while I am sipping my latte at Barnes and Noble and we are cool.

Potty Humor

2009-09-24T07:15:00.000-07:00

The War of Extinction (Plus Giveaway Winners)

2009-08-28T13:00:00.000-07:00

There is a war going on in my house. A war that we hope will end in extinction. Nope, I am not talking about the extinction of any endangered plant or fuzzy animals, so you can put away your Save the Pandas t-shirt. I am referring the extinction of behavior. I call this behavior The Wheam.

The wheam starts as a small, irritating whine ("coookieeeeee") and when denied develops into a desperate chant ("COOKIE. MAMA. COOKIE. MAMA."). The ignored chant then follows into the "someone must be stabbing me" scream.

The hills are alive, with the sound of Wheaming...

As you can imagine, I want the Wheam to take a hike. It needs to leave soon, or mama is going to resort to wearing earplugs and communicating only through baby signs (or through the door in my padded cell).

So we have gone to war.

So far the wheam is putting up a good fight. In the wheam's armory are volume, repetition and public Mommy embarrassment. All mama has so far is extinction. In behavioral modification, extinction eliminates the incentive for unwanted behavior by withholding the expected response. In other words, Noah starts to whine "cooookieee," Mama ignores. Noah screams and stomps feet, Mama ignores. I may offer him a snack later, when he can ask me in his "sweet voice," but I don't negotiate with the wheam.

Over time, one can hope that continued extinction of the wheam will lead to is eventual disappearance. It's been about a two week battle now and Mama is feeling a little ragged around the edges.

I have, however, called in reinforcements. We are headed to Grandma's next week. Perhaps a change in players and location will change the tides of this battle. I am little suspicious, though, that Grammy and the wheam may be in cohoots....

Because I will be gone on Sept 1, I am announcing the winners now. They are:

Kelly @ Carty Party of Three

Jen @ Buried with Children

Megan @ Megan Goldie

If you lovely ladies could shoot me an email with an address, I will get those sandals off to you soon.

Now back to the trenches.

Wordful Wednesday - Monkey See, Monkey Do

2009-08-26T06:43:00.000-07:00

Does your toddler turn into a screaming mess when comes time for a haircut? Do you have to bribe him with cookies just to get him into the seat and the shove them periodically into his crying mouth so that he doesn't throw himself out of the chair? Do you dread the event and sweat through the whole thing?

Yeah. Me too.

I've tried the fancy kid cut places with the fun cars to sit in and the videos. I've tried M&M bribery, which is usually the cure-all for everything. Nothing has worked until now.

On Monday Mama made PAPA go along. PAPA got his haircut first and Noah got to watch. We "clapped" for Papa as he "sat nicely" and oh so still. Bri wore his "this is awesome! cheesy grin" the whole time. Then we cheered for Papa when he got a balloon a the end for "being so good." And all the while said, "So fun! It's Noah's turn next!"

It felt like having to sit through a Barney episode, but man, it worked!

The above pic is my guys sporting their new cuts in the shower. Now they both are mullet-free and Mama is excited to try this new technique with other unhappy events. Hurrah for Papa The Guinea Pig!

WW - What I've Learned From My Toddler

2009-08-20T12:04:00.000-07:00

Coffee is necessary for morning , mommy survival.

(which is related to....)

It's never too early to throw on a Thomas video.

You have it. I WANT IT. And don't take too long handing it over.

Cats are quick. The best animals are the ones who are too lazy to run away in fear from you.

The best thing about having a cat is that their food is always available in that shiny bowl on the ground. The food doesn't taste too bad. You just have to chew it a lot.

Can't find your cell phone? Guess who's stuck it in the toilet again?

Can't find your wallet? Don't worry, I've cleaned out all that pesky green paper for you. It flushes better than the phone. Whoopee!
The dirtier it is, the better it tastes.

5 second rule? How about the "as long as i can identify what it once was" rule?
Whoever said "You can never have too much of a good thing," must have been talking about chocolate cookies.

Peeing on the floor is hilarious.

Peeing in the toilet is for losers. Or for toddlers who will except an M&M bribe.
Keep your friends close and the grandparents even closer. Preferably on speed dial.

Every day is a gift. (...........well, at least it's an "adventure." :D )

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Thanks Kat for such a cute prompt. I totally acknowledge that I stole your format. I love the "pics say it all" idea.

100 Sips, A Toast of Thanks

2009-08-18T13:08:00.000-07:00

Wine makes daily living easier, less hurried, with fewer tensions and more tolerance.

- Benjamin Franklin

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It isn't surprising to learn that a quote like this comes from someone who had three kids. Though Ben, I have to wonder if it was actually you who had to wake up with those toddlers. Maybe you should have reconsidered the whole Daylight Savings thing?

But I digress... The purpose of this post is to celebrate, not to complain over sleep we parents will never get back - It's my 100th post on Sippy Cup!

It is in the spirit of Ben's quote that I would like to thank you. Not only can a glass (or two!) of wine help, but it also helps to have the support of the friends I have made here. Your lovely comments have lifted me, made me laugh and helped me get through my first years of mommyhood. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Thank you also to HH for all that you have done to help me with this blog. From taking Noah to the park (the beach, the hardware store, etc) so I could write, to helping me with technical issues. You certainly are my best friend with benefits.

For busy moms and followers who are still checking in from time to time, I would like to offer you a chance at relaxation as well. No, I am not sending you a case of "2 Buck Chuck." :) On Sept 1, I am giving away a pair of comfy Islander Sandals to 3 randomly picked followers who leave me a comment on this post with your color and size preference.

Feel free to wear them and sip your Chardonnay. And if it has to be out of a covert sippy cup at the park, so be it.

Cheers!
Rachel

It's the Climb

2009-08-10T16:45:00.001-07:00

What do you think of our toddler landing pad?

HH and I returned late last night from our 5 day trip. A vacation filled with cool breezes, refreshing drinks and warm sand. A trip........(wait for it)..... WITHOUT THE KID. Now I won't go into the details of the loveliness of our time together, but you parents out there understand, even a trip to Walmart without a toddler can be relaxing, and we had pina coladas....

Not too surprising, however, is the fact that I did miss our little man quite a bit. We are best buds and hang out every day, so its a little spooky not to have my shadow around. I knew though, he was in fantastic care with my mom (Grammy Tutu) and Noah was going to love every minute of her visit. (This didn't stop me from calling twice a day just to sing Twinkle Twinkle to him.)

On our flight home I was thinking, "ah, I am so very relaxed, I am ready for whatever the week ahead has in store. I will meet challenges with a calm and cool head (insert not pull my hair and count to ten under my breath). Nothing will frustrate me. I am the ocean. I am serenity." Here it should be mentioned that we were flying over where a hurricane was supposed to land the next day. Foreshadowing much?

After crashing into bed later that night, it seemed like only moments until 4am when violent screams erupted from Noah's room. HH and I went running and the cats high tailed it under the bed. When we got to the room my mom had her hand over her heart and was saying," Thank you God. Thank you. I was worried it had happened again." From the picture above I am sure you can imagine what that "it" is. My newly 19 month old has discovered he can obtain freedom from his baby jail (crib) by hurdling his body over the side.

Now I know I am just one of millions of mommies with this problem, but sheesh, the Mederma for Kids is still drying from his last "discovery." Couldn't I have a few more months?Until then, I will continue to pad the inside of our house with whatever I can find. It has begun to resemble a mental asylum. Crazy person included.

Serenity indeed.

The 3 Year Old A-hole

2009-07-24T12:52:00.000-07:00

I probably won't be winning any sensitivity awards with that title, but you have to admit, that somewhere along life's path you've met a pre-schooler you who just wanted to give the middle finger to. Maybe this kid lived on your street. Maybe he was your cousin or some kid at school. He probably pushed you down when his mommy wasn't looking and dipped your string cheese into the sand just to get a reaction. He pretends to hand you his toy car to share and then laughs at your crying when he yanks his hand back. Sounds personal, huh? Oh yeah. Noah and I know this kid. His name is Gavin and he's a regular at our park.
To be honest, by nature, I think most preschoolers are jerks. It makes sense that at an age when you have enough understanding to realize you are pretty small and powerless in this huge world, you might want to pick on the very few who are smaller than you (babies, puppies, bugs, etc). So, I am not really blaming the kid. It's up to parents/caregivers to teach more positive ways of feeling control. I won't bore you with examples, because I am sure you've read them in Parents magazine.

Who's to blame then? His parents? Should I pick up the phone and call his mommy? Who wants to get that call that your kid is a holy terror and commits minor violence against other toddlers and seems to get complete joy out of it? I mean, she must have some idea, right?

I think it should be said that I have actually never met the woman. It wouldn't really be a "friendly" conversation. We are strangers. Gavin comes to the park with 3 of his siblings in tow and his poor nanny who looks like she is about to have a nervous breakdown at any moment (the siblings ain't that sweet either). Not that I am saying that his mom working full-time has anything to do with it. I know many awesome kids with working parents. Maybe its the fact that the nanny just isn't equipped to handle that many kids with ummmm difficult personalities? (insert demons).

I have used every "teacher" trick I know, positive praise of Gavin's good behavior, setting a good example with Noah and then praising. When that didn't work I went for the disciplinarian approach and used firm words, " No, Gavin, you do not stand on Noah's legs!" "You do not push babies off the structure!" Sometimes the nanny will hear me (b/c I am shouting it loud enough for her to wake-up and pay attention) and will say, "That's a no-no, Gavin." GAHHHH.

Something needs to be done, though, and soon, because as soon as Noah gets to the park now he peers out from under the safety of his stroller and looks for Gavin. If Gavin is there, Noah says, "No. No. Bye-bye park." That is some power this kid has. Maybe I don't want to meet his parents. I am a little afraid of what the adult version might look like....

For the mean time, Noah has come up with some of his own strategies. When Gavin and Co tried to push Noah out of the sand box today, Noah came right back, sat in the middle and proceeded to take a big poo in his diaper. I guess that's the 18 month old equilavent to a middle finger.

Noah James, Celebrity Impersonator Extraordinaire

2009-06-16T20:25:00.001-07:00

Like his mama, my son has a passion for entertaining. His many talents include: dancer, "joke" teller, and silly face maker. Recently I discovered he has also been doing celebrity impersonations. It only took me looking through some old photos to figure this out. Here is some of his better work.

This is Kirstie Alley going straight for the brownie mix. This is pre-hair extension Kirstie, of course.

Noah's Trump. He can't actually say "You're Fired," but you can see it in his eyes.

Mathew McConaughey, shirtless with a bongo drum.

The open shirt and blank expression here just screams Fabio. Romance cover, here we come!

This is Noah doing Mel Gibson, Braveheart style. He uses the blue paint to get into character.

Last night, after dumping a tub of Aquaphor into his hair and donning a confused look, I realized my son was going for "heartthrob" in the form of Robert Pattinson.

My hope is that one day he will make it big in Vegas, so that mama can live out her days shopping at Caeser's Forum and playing video poker with Bette Midler. This sounds fair, right?

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This post was brought to you by Wordful Wednesday at Seven Clown Circus. Come on over and join the photo fun!

Girls Just Wanna Have Fun...And A Pair Stripper Shoes Too

2009-06-15T12:58:00.000-07:00

I promised that while taking a posting vacay the next few months, that I would be out and about trying to have a fantastic summer. If you want to read about wholesome family goodness the Mantuanos have been having, click on over to my family blog. If you want something a little more PG-13 (and are not related to me by blood or marriage - haha) please read on.

My lovely high school buddy Cynthia (in the green dress below) is getting married this summer. Can a get a "holla" for a destination wedding in Hawaii? Thank you, Cynthia my dear, a heartfelt toast with a large pina colada has your name on it come August.

In celebration of her big event, a bunch of her friends met up in LA to have a girl's weekend. Here are some of us at her sister's place in LA.

I have to admit, I am a sucker for all things bachlorette. I love the veils, the tiaras, the favors...ok, mostly I love the inappropriate favors. It's about the only time you will see a doctor, two lawyers, and a couple PHDs sipping from some "manhood" straws. Did I mention Cynthia's friends are all crazy smart?

Anyways, after a creepy trip to an adult store (where I was the only chick NOT in the peep show behind the curtain), I picked up some favors, including some balloons, to help us celebrate. Here is Cynthia blowing up her balloon. Notice her sis Emily is already finished and tying it up. Nice job lady!

To prove I wasn't a total perv, I also brought some Sprinkles cupcakes for the tea party we had on Saturday morning. I figure a touch of Martha Stewart might make me seem more respectable. And then I noticed that the Sprinkles cupcakes on the left have nipples. Oh well, so much for respectable.

In addition to the plethora of sugary goodies provided, the tea party was made even sweeter by the fact that we did a clothing exchange. We all brought things we have stopped wearing out of our closet and were willing to trade. Having a very short attention span when it comes to fashion, I had a BUS LOAD of clothes. I was a newbie at the whole exchange thing, but have decided to become pro after seeing the piles of awesome clothes all the other girls wanted to trade. Plus, it was totally fun dressing up in random outfits. Here is our friend Marissa's interpretation of "Lady in Red."

After the tea party things got a little less "proper." We went to a pole-dancing lesson...yes.... like as in stripping. If you don't live in CA or NY, this probably seems like a weird thing. But it's becoming a legitimized form of exercise over here, and is WAY more fun than going to the gym. My abs and arms are still sore. Ok and the inside of my thighs are too from pole-burn, but it was all worth it!

Once there I just HAD to buy a pair of purple stripper shoes. I didn't think I will ever have an opportunity to wear them again, but dang they are fun. A small part of me is tempted to trek down to Albertsons in my "mom" khakis and Ann Taylor sweater set with the stripper shoes on just to see what the neighbors would say. The other part of me remembers that Noah is going to attend school here in a couple years....

For the sake of Noah's future embarassment, here's a video of me practicing an innocent spin. There are other videos, but some of them make me blush and I don't think my parents would be proud. Oh, and by the way mom, thanks for all the dance lessons when I was little, they made the pole dancing so much easier. And now I totally have something to fall back on (and the shoes too!). HAHA.

Thank you to Cynthia and Emily for making it all happen. I can't wait to show off our new moves at the wedding! You did say it was open bar, right? :P

Where the hell is she?

2009-06-07T06:54:00.000-07:00

I have to admit, people have been asking this about me lately. Not a lot of people, mind you, I am not THAT popular. It's mostly my mom and my little sister, who I apologize profusely for not calling back (and after she got me that awesome Hawaiian hotel rate, I know, I am an ungrateful jerk).

Instead of going on and on about what I have been up to, I decided to make a list of excuses. Here are my top ten reasons I have been horrible about blogging lately:

10. So You Think You Can Dance - As a former dancer and movement teacher, this show is my soul mana. It's so inspiring to see people who LOVE what they do. Also, the shirtless guys aren't to shabby, gay or not.

9. Summer - I live in SoCal and not too far from a beach. More soul mana. ;)

8. Books - A lovely friend of mine, Lisa, recently showered me with some books. I have had my nose in them whenever Noah is asleep. Yay for silly summer reading!

7. Toddler Activities - If you read this blog, you know that I have an ACTIVE little guy. Currently he is enrolled in a dance class (come on, its just him running around to Raffi, really...) an alphabet class ("Noah, please don't throw the wooden letters at Riley!") and a book babies time at the library. This is all in addition to all the trips to the park, beach, zoo, and other places it is acceptable for a kid to run around like a maniac.

6. My other job, housekeeper - Yes, it's lovely to have 5 bathrooms. Ah the freedom to poop where you please! However, when it comes time to cleaning all 5, I am tempted to dig a communal hole in the backyard.

5. Achoo! - Our household has been a merry-go-round of infection. First it was Noah, then Brian and now me. Right now, I sound like a 70 year old smoker.

4. Buddies - If you click on over to my family blog, you can check out the visits we've been having from friends of all ages.

3. True Blood - It's probably unhealthy to watch the whole season on DVD in 3 days. Can't figure out why I keep dreaming of naked vampire booty....(As a side note, the series as a novel is awesome, the series as an HBO show is one adult toy short of fetish porn....or so I imagine).

ehm.

2. Spring Cleaning - Because of most of the above, toddlers, friends visiting, etc., I decided it was time to do a deep cleaning on the clutter. I had to borrow (aka abscond) the neighbors half-empty trash can and fill it with junk we don't need. In addition, we bought some new patio furniture and a coffee table I love as much as my cats. In case you are wondering how this has affected Noah, check out this video. I had to buy the poor guy his own broom.

1. Laziness - After all the cleaning, activities and visits, there is nothing better than winding the day down with pajamas, a glass of chardonnay and a good book (or a vampire DVD). I have no brain power left for cleverness or writing.

I am not going to bore you with promises about how this is going to change or that I am going to be giving away something awesome soon to get back the followers that have just given up on me. Frankly, I don't blame them. I can promise you I am going to go out there and try and have a ridiculously good summer and from time to time I will be back to write about it. I hope you all do the same!!!

Writer's Workshop - SoCal Snow White

2009-05-21T13:08:00.000-07:00

I loved the prompt from Mama Kat this week:
Put an outfit together using pictures you found online and show us what you'd like to be wearing.

Easily, the first thing I pictured was a Princess (who wants expensive designer duds you have to pay a fortune to dry clean?) No, its much more fun to dress like a fantasy. Not only do I want to wear the full Princess get-up, I also want those damn dwarfs. Seven little men to do my cleaning, washing and food prep. Seven little men who don't take up too much room and never ask for some night-time nookie. All I would have to do is twirl around and sing a song or too. Something I do for Noah on a twenty minute rotation anyway. The ONE thing I would change would be the shoes. The heels seem pretty stupid for running around the forest in. I would have to switch them for flip flops that were super comfortable and that I could leave by a tree stump in case I needed to take a dip in a wishing well or something.

So here I am in my outfit:

And here are the super-comfy flip flops I would wear. BTW, did I mention all you Princesses out there can actually purchase these shoes if you twirl on over to Islander Sandals?

The one hang up might be the tricky old hag coming around with those apples. Not a big problem because I am not a big fan of apples. Chocolate cookies, that's another thing. If the queen brought me cookies, I would be S.O.L., poison city.

Wordful Wed - It was just a matter of time

2009-05-19T11:51:00.000-07:00

My last entry probably explains a bit about why I am posting so infrequently. I have been wearing my running shoes to keep up with my Energizer Baby.

This week all his running caught up with us. Here he is sporting his first head injury:

The poor little guy fell directly onto the corner of our bed frame while whipping around the bend. (Of course this is the only corner in the house we don't have one of those Safety 1st pads on. It figures.) As I rushed over to check on him, I got the silent scream, which always is a gauge for the nightmare soon to unload. He was bleeding from a cut in his forehead and there was blood running down his face. A complete Mommy horror movie. After wiping up the blood and calming down my sweet boy, I realized it wasn't bad enough for an ER visit (we have yet to break that seal), and I called the on-call ped.

The cut (and subsequent goose egg) didn't require stitches, just a little skin glue and some special tape. The problem is that the band aid and tape are supposed to stay on for at least 24hrs. Not so great for a toddler who wonders why there is A GIANT RED STICKER is on his head. Needless to say, we had been avoiding mirrors and keeping him busy with tasks to keep him from picking it off. We actually went for a whole 40 minutes without incident until the check out lady at Henry's points to Noah's head and goes, "Oh POOR baby, look at that BIG bandage. What happened?" Thank goodness Henry's has balloons which mommy quickly shoved into his hand.

I had a sneaking suspision that he would peel that baby off as soon as mama wasn't around, and when he woke up from his nap the red band aid and tape were curled tightly in his hand. Proudly he showed his accomplishment to me, "Boo-boo!"

As far as injuries go, it was pretty mild, despite the initial blood fest down the forehead. As we were walking out the doc cheerfully said to me, "Don't worry, this will be the first of many. See you soon!"

Haven't decided how I feel about that statement yet....

Wordful Wednesday - Caught in the Act

2009-05-13T07:13:00.001-07:00

Dear Mommy,

I think its cool you have decided to have a sense of humor about this. I like you taking pictures of my adventures a lot more than you pulling on your hair and counting to 10.

Have to go find the cat now. Not telling you why yet....

Love,

Noah

With A Little Help From My Friends

2009-05-11T12:10:00.000-07:00

Just when you feel like the worst mother ever, some very thoughtful people come along and remind you that you just do your best and that's all a kid can ask.

Yesterday I was showered with flowers, cards, calls, emails and texts all from family and friends who wanted to show me some "mama love," despite all my dramatic complaining. A HUGE thank you to the lovely ladies in my life (and those in bloggy land) for all the support. You don't know how much it means to me.

Giant hugs!

Rachel

Writer's Workshop - Virgin Vlog

2009-05-07T13:41:00.000-07:00

Ok, so you are going to have to pardon me on my first vlog. It is way more difficult to be eloquent when ranting/speaking than when ranting/writing.

Oh, and next time I am totally brushing my hair and wearing mascara.

Two Hundred Tantrums and A Mommy Time Out

2009-05-05T16:43:00.000-07:00

Dear Sanity,

I am begging you. Please come back. You've been gone about 3 weeks now. Ever since Noah decided to become "terrible" before he was even 2.

I need you to help me shower and clean the house. I need you to drag me to play groups and the grocery store with my swine flu mask on. If I have to bribe you with chocolate covered Joe Joe's I am totally into that.

I realize this may have you nervous about returning. Please try and forget about that and instead think of this image - Noah's cute face. Proof that there's an angel in there somewhere.

If you are still not convinced, picture this:

It's where HH and I are going SANS TODDLER in August. I sincerely hope you don't wait that long to show up.

Your Humble Servant,
Rachel

The Klingon

2009-04-22T06:33:00.000-07:00

Is that a face only a mother could love, or what?

While I do admit to being a super-Trekkie nerd, I can't say I would ever really want to have my VERY OWN Klingon. The last few days, it's felt that way though. Noah's been sick again with case #478 of an "unknown virus." By now, you'd think they could name some of this crap. I mean, if they discovered shooting rat poison into your face takes away wrinkles, you'd think a little sniffling would be identifiable by an M.D.

Anyways, due to the "virus," Noah been super-super grumpy which leads to Mommy being super-super grumpy. Noah's grumpiness takes the form of 4 chubby appendages with a death-grip on my legs. He wants up, he wants down, he wants to rub his snots on the back of my leg, but for the sake of everything holy, HE DOESN'T WANT TO BE MORE THAN 2 FEET AWAY FROM ME. This creates a problem around meal times and when mommy has to potty, so I have had to call on my trusty friend Elmo for more than I would like to admit this week. The peds recommend "No TV for kids under 2." I laugh at them and challenge them to come to my house when Noah's sick. Oh and by the way, could you FIGURE OUT WHAT MY KID HAS AND ACTUALLY DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT INSTEAD OF GIVING STUPID AND UNREALISTIC ADVICE ABOUT TV? (Sorry, will now return to using my "inside" voice.....ehm).

Usually a glass of wine (i mean bottle) and a bubble bath would solve this, but my throat is itchy too, and I don't want to make it more horrible by ALSO being sick or (gasp) hungover. Wine and I are fremenies in that I love her in the evening, but more than one glass leads to her beating on my brain come 6am, not so much fun to wake up to a toddler who likes to bang on his drums to.

So here I am friends, laying out my troubles once again on you. Thanks for listening. If I were a blues singer I would be belting out the "Klingon Blues" like Ella, but that would wake the sleeping members of my family (even the dang cats are still asleep). If I were an artist I would express myself like Dali with some freaky leeches and a big clock melting away the time or something. This sounds like fun, but there is no way Noah would let me get away with anything that resembles mommy fun. So I am here, writing at 5:30, before the little man gets up. Cross your fingers for me that he wakes up sans snot with a happy grin on his face, for both of us.

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I would also like to apologize for being comment MIA lately. The great thing about having a iPhone is that you can read everyone's latest posts from anywhere. The crappy thing is that leaving comments is not very user friendly yet. I giggle your posts at the park, I treasure them from my bed in the wee hours of the morning, sometimes I even peruse them in traffic (don't arrest me). So I HAVE been visiting you, my friends. Just think of me as one of those crazy Idol fans, peering through your window. I am there, watching and learning about your lives, but I don't leave any death threats or anything. Nice of me, huh?

My Karate Kid

2009-04-13T11:21:00.000-07:00

Remember Noah's Jedi Training? I guess since the light saber thing didn't work out so well, he is starting him off with some martial arts. Here they are practicing in our closet:

(mmmhmm. so glad my headbands are getting some good use.....)

I really shouldn't be surprised at all of this because my almost 30-year-old HH does have a sword, which he keeps under the bed just in case ninjas attack. He also thinks Noah may need to learn how to use is someday.

Oh, and speaking of grown ups. Here are some of HH's buddies:

Something for Noah to aspire too, I guess. Brian still can't decide if Noah should be an evil-genius or a ninja when he grows up. Is is too much for a mama to ask that Noah be something a bit less dangerous like a teacher or a dentist?

Wordful Wednesday - It's Potty Time!

2009-04-08T08:06:00.000-07:00

Remember a few days ago when I posted about my little Sprinkler? Well, after asking to sit on the big potty a number of times, mama decided to get Noah one of his very own. Here are some pics of his first attempt with potty.

Am I doing this right?

I am so proud of myself!

Anything happen yet?

Success! (Well, sort of. A lot went on the floor. My sprinkler is a sprayer!)

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This post was brought to you by Wordful Wednesday @ Seven Clown Circus.

The WTF Workout

2009-04-03T13:24:00.000-07:00

Have you ever laughed just a little bit at Richard Simmons? I mean the dude does do cardio kicks in shiny short-shorts. However, after my experience today with the kooky instructor at the gym , I have a whole new respect for Mr. Simmons. At least he is wearing work-out attire, frightening as it may be.

After some run-ins with the "Zero Experience" childcare morons at the LA Fitness in my area, I moved onto a new, smaller gym. The plus side of the new gym is that it has great childcare. The women are all moms and actually hold crying children instead of shoving snacks at them or turning the tv up to drown them out. The creepy side of the new gym is that all the people are fantastically fit. The women are size 2 barbies and the men are way too tan and hairless. It gives you a bit of a complex after seeing their machine timers say "10 more miles to go!" and crap like that. (yes, I spy on their machines).

Now, you'd think that the buff and beautiful would have no mere mortal for an instructor. I was thinking, "shoot, the classes here must be taught by Hercules!" I expected Hercules, I got more of a Medusa.

The teacher was an angry, freaky, black-wigged wearing nutcase. She showed up not even wearing workout clothes, but jeans and bare-feet. She also chose not to wear a mic, but to "yell" her instructions, which started with,"Ok! Get going! 5 minutes to warm up any way you want to. Come on, start going. You over there do some jumping jacks or some stretches. Do whatever your body tells you it wants to do."

After that tirade my body was saying, "Let's go home and put the pjs back on," but I am glad I stayed, because she only got funnier. After the fake-warm up we did one-sided leg squats for 5 minutes, then she skipped doing the other side, so that "our brains would be tricked." We jumped from lifting weights to rolling on the ground in one minute all so that our bodies would be "continually surprised and ready for action" Sweet! We were being trained to be ninjas! She talked (and never instructed) the entire class about her outlook on life and menopause and a host of other personal things. She was also very into the phrase, " This is not a McWorkout!" Whatever the hell that means.

The whole time I kept thinking I was being punk'd. I thought this mostly because the other people around me actually seemed to be buying into her jargon. They had to be actors, I mean how did they know what to do without any instruction? Everyone was just jumping around like confused monkeys, but no one else seemed bothered about the fact.

After the class I shook my head in wonder as I walked out and caught a glimpse of one woman (yes, only ONE WOMAN out of 30) doing the same. I rushed over to her and asked," Um, was that weird to you?" She whispered back,"I don't even know what to say. You think there is something wrong with her?" Uh, clearly.

Next week I think I am skipping the Friday morning Cardio Blast! class for a good old run on the treadmill followed by some free weights. I guess that makes me a "McWorkout" kind of girl.

Writer's Workshop - The Anxiety Apple

2009-04-01T12:59:00.001-07:00

Describe a moment when you felt afraid.
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I wish I had one ultimate moment to describe to you. However, if you knew me in real life, you would know that the general consensus is that I am a big chicken (yes, by consensus, I mean you mom and dad). I like to think of myself as sensitive, but I can understand where I get the "rap" from.

About 9 years years ago I was diagnosed with GAD. It's a vague diagnosis that basically means you are afraid of a lot of crap, a lot of the time. Here are just some of the things in my "fun-bag" of scurred:

Being alone in the dark (Haven't stayed alone without another adult in the house in YEARS. It makes my husband's business trips just that much more interesting)
Being late to meetings or activities (especially movies)
Not being prepared (Hello, did I mention I make TO DO lists in my sleep? Sometimes 2-3 times per night)
Being attacked (I have a great thing about parking lots)

And when I say "scurred," I don't just mean a little nervous. I mean the sweating, rapid breathing, stomach tightening, insomnia and the ridiculous (but infrequent) panic attack. As an added bonus, I not only experience these symptoms when I am actually in the above situations, but even thinking about them sets me off. It's gotten better over the years with a little cognitive therapy, exercise/yoga, and by being married to the calmest person in America. It's gotten better, it really has.

It's one things for me to be all anxious, it's quite another when you see your personality affecting your child. Up until now Noah's been in the normal zone of fears. He was afraid of the vacuum and the hairdryer for a while. I took other's advice and just kept on doing both with some added comforting and Noah got over it. Now he actually plays with the hairdyer. Remember that picture of him "styling" his Panda? :)

Lately, my sweet baby has been waking up with nightmares (about once a week) and calling for me. Weird things like garden statues, certain stuffed animals or parts of kid videos will scare him and he will think about it all day. You even mention the word "statue" and the kid starts to tear up. I am not sure if this is Noah simply becoming more aware of the world around him or if he is really suffering from anxiety.

Now, it doesn't take a genius to know that your child learns some of their behaviors from watching you. You act freaked when kiddo takes a spill, they cry even harder. You acted scared of something and its going to make them wary too. For this reason, I try to keep my anxiety on the DL. I don't want Noah learning my bad habits. However, there is only so much I can do when it comes to genetics. Will my baby be doomed to suffer from anxiety simply because it runs in his family?

So I guess if I am afraid of just ONE thing, its that I will pass my anxiety onto my sweet son. It pains me to think I might be the cause of any of his fears or take away any of his innocent view of the world. Only time will tell.

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This post was brought to you by Mama Kat's Writer's Workshop.

The Sprinkler

2009-03-30T15:55:00.000-07:00

Yes, that is exactly what you think it is. Noah has discovered that wearing diapers is no fun and that when you take them off, you can do cool tricks. This trick is called "The Sprinkler." He sprinkles a little area of your carpet and then you find it later. You generally know that Noah has performed The Sprinkler when he runs to find you bare-assed and giggling.

MckMiracles

2009-03-26T20:21:00.000-07:00

Are you a "head in the sand" person like me? Do you avoid nightly news and scary movies because you can't stand sadness and violence? If you are, stop reading right now, cause this post is full of real-life stuff. It's also going to be poorly written, because my heart is so heavy right now I am having trouble coming up with the right words.

As some of you know, I have been blessed with a sweet spirited little boy named Noah. And while I frequently complain about the woes of SAHM life, deep down I wouldn't have my world be any different. I love him so fiercely and deeply that the love I have for him has become its own entity. I find my heart filling with joy when I see him smile or hear him giggle. I wish I could put to words the warmness that completes me when his little chubby arms go around my neck for a hug. If you are a parent, I am sure you feel the same way about your babies (no matter how old they are).

Recently I stumbled upon a blog by a mother who writes frequently about the love she has for her babies. She has been blessed with 4, but they never thought the fourth would make it. His name is Stellan and he was diagnosed with heart failure in the womb. At 24 weeks his parents were told he wouldn't make it. After much prayer a miracle happened, his heart healed and Stellan was born full term healthy and happy.

This month that sweet little baby has been having heart trouble again. He's been at a hospital where they have been doing everything they can to save Stellan. He's had tubes and drugs and a host of other things I don't want to think about done to him.

Just looking at that face makes it hard for me to breathe. He reminds me so much of Noah. And I think it could be Noah right now, in that very same situation. I can't even fathom this. It stops the world around me from spinning and I get a little light headed. It makes me want to rush into sleeping Noah's room and hold onto him with all my might.

I am not one who puts much stock into praying, but for this I am shouting out to the universe for something to be done. Please save this sweet baby and give him back to his mama.

Now mamas and papas, go out there and hug your little miracles. They are precious and should be held onto tightly.

Wordful Wednesday - The Big Cheese

2009-03-25T07:26:00.000-07:00

I am the first to admit I come from a family with a flair for the dramatic. Mother, aunt and grandma (all on the same side) have all dabbled in acting. And while I can't act my way out of a paper bag, I do miss my "stage" days of dance performance.

I thought this "Hey, look at me... LOVE ME!" trait was a female thing. Ummmm, nope. Lately my 1 year old has morphed into a complete ham. Check out his new favorite smile.

I call this one Morning Cheese with side of snot.

Yes, that is my butt hanging out the door, cleaning the bathroom. Flattering, eh?

Here is some Evening Cheese. These pjs must have him feeling fabulous.

To be fair, he can be completely adorable when he's not "on." This is his "Mommy is Tickling Me" smile. It's the one I love the most.

Is The Love Affair Over?

2009-03-19T13:17:00.000-07:00

We've established I can be somewhat fashion challenged. I wish I were a real life stylista like my lil sis Amanda or my friend Summer. Both have an amazing talent for accessorizing. Not only that, but they put together fantastic outfits on a budget. Somehow I missed this gene.

My super-beautiful, devastatingly stylish sister Amanda.

I didn't realize I was lacking in this department until college. There I was surrounded by sorority sisters who gave my tattered Target jeans and old sweatshirts sad looks of disapproval. After a while, I began purchasing jeans which I saw other girls wearing in hope that it would get me "in" with all the cool kids. (Such is the logic of a 19 year old...)

After my first year in college, I saved enough of my summer job earnings and bought my first pair of 7's. I couldn't believe I spent that much on a pair of jeans. It seemed rather ridiculous, but as I stood in front of the mirror I had an epiphany- my thighs actually looked slim! I had finally found a pair of pants that made the freshmen 15 look only like the freshmen 5. It was "beer money" well spent and I wore them like it was my job. They went without washings for DAYS.

My old 7's.

I spent so much time in in college in my 7's, they became almost like a boyfriend. They warmed me when I spent the night sleeping on a a friend's cold couch, they graciously stretched out to fit my hips when I went through my Mac and Cheese months, and they never complained when I spilt beer or wiped my Cheetos fingers on them. Hell, they were BETTER than a boyfriend.

It was all a wonderful affair until I fell in love with Paige. No, Paige was not a Katy Perry, "I Kissed A Girl" college fling, but a pair of fantabulous jeans that give you and an instant butt lift a la Jessica Beil. Those were my official party pants.

After Paige, there was Joe - more specifically Joe's Jeans. I had a long, but casual relationship with Joe. We were together long enough to produce two offspring capri's and a dark bootleg jean I still wear today.

This fall, with the skinny jean trend, I started a new relationship. I have been with "J" Brand for only a few months now, but they have been my most favorite of all. They actually have a zipper up the side of each ankle. How funtastic is that? I thought it couldn't get better than this.

Hillary Duff rocking the J Brand Skinny. Um, no, my legs don't look like that in them, but I still heart them anyways.

Now, please don't tell my fancy jeans, but last week I cheated on all of them. Here's what happened:

I went to Old Navy to pick up some new yoga pants (see, I do save, so take that my Nike and Adidas wearing gym mates). I was already feeling giddy because Noah was with his sitter and I had a Friends and Family 30% off coupon. This must have had me feeling reckless, because on a whim I tried on a pair of jeans. Holy mother of denim - they fit like a glove! They were on sale and with my coupon they would cost me (wait for it....) FIFTEEN DOLLARS. I dropped my overpriced Citizens on the floor and stomped on them - Bad jeans, bad! Bad for making me feel like I needed to spend that much to be cool and fashionable.

I have a new love in my life. It's the Diva pants from Old Navy. If you are in an unhealthy relationship with expensive/oppressive jeans, please, go out and buy some, it will do you a "wealth" of good.

A Bit 'O The Irish

2009-03-17T15:16:00.001-07:00

I kid you not, this is what Noah built today with his blocks. After I finished rubbing my eyes in wonder, I quickly grabbed the camera to document this. Yes, I lined the letters up so you could read them, but the rest was all Noah. I would like to think its his 1/20th or so Irish in him, wishing to celebrate St. Patty's Day. That or either he's on the fast track to becoming a frat boy.

Either way, it's his first (unintentional) spelled word and mama is proud!

A Small Slice of Sanity

2009-03-10T13:36:00.000-07:00

I am about to do a 180 on you, but this is my blog and I am allowed to do stuff like that. Plus, it has been a week, and a girl has a right to change her mind, right?

Ok, so remember when I said I was having baby fever and dreaming of pink? Well, it took traveling solo on a flight with a screaming toddler to pop the crap out of that silly bubble. Nonetheless, the irony of thinking (aka being freaked out) that I might be pregnant with #2 while flying 30,000 feet up trapped with #1, who had done a #2, (sorry it had to be said) was not lost on this mama.

25 dollars in pregnancy tests and a late period later, I find I am (phew) not pregnant. I celebrated flo's usually irritated arrival with 2 cups of coffee in the morning, a goat cheese sandwich for lunch, and a glass of chardonnay with dinner. Nothing like a pregnancy scare to make you eat up all the goodies you began to think you might not see for a while.

The other fantastic slice of sanity I have found is in the fact that I have finally found Noah a nanny. 2 interviews and a trial watching date over, I feel confident in leaving Noah alone for at least a couple hours a week for some mommy R&R. Noah on the other hand, has grown quite accustomed to my presence and cries each time I leave the room. I just take a deep breath and drive away quickly. Ha ha.

So I am gobbling my free time up like a carb-starved Atkin's dieter. Today I used a coupon I found in the paper and got myself a manny/peddy. Just glancing at my toes makes me feel giddy. Not sure what I am going to do next week on my free morning. Maybe I will got to Target sans toddler. Sounds like heaven, huh?

I guess I must just need a little more me time before the 3am feedings and the newborn narcolepsy sets in again. Until then, I will enjoy my free time (when I can get it) and love the hell out of everyone else's babies. I sure know some cute ones. :P

Be Still My Ovaries

2009-03-03T06:35:00.001-08:00

It's been about a week since my last post. Noah and I have been busy with play "dates" and visiting friends. All have been adorable little girls that make me ache for another baby. Here are some pictures of Noah's girlfriends we visited with last week.

Summer's baby girl, Chloe is 4 months and the calmest, sweetest baby I have ever met.

Elsa just turned 2, so she's a little older than Noah, but he loves her fiery spirit and sense of adventure.

Little Isla is only two weeks old, but she's already beautiful, just like her mama.

Just hanging out with these ladies has given me a flare up of the fever - BABY FEVER! I can't wait for pink booties, fairy princess parties and teaching my little girl ballet. Here's to hoping there will be pink soon in my future (no, I am not pregnant, but you guys will be the first to know!)

BTW, we are off for a week to visit my parents, where they only have (gasp!) dial-up. Be back with pictures and stories next week. Have a great weekend!

Calling All Hairy Chicks

2009-02-26T12:26:00.000-08:00

So if you swung on over to see what the title of this post was all about, you are probably at least part monkey like me. Ok, so I am not so much "monkey" as I am Italian and Eastern European, but some of the time, I feel part chimp.

If you read my last post, you know about the woes of having thick, curly hair. Now take that hair and imagine it on your arms, legs, and other parts I probably shouldn't mention. The hair on my head requires chemical warfare to battle. What on earth do I do about the rest of my body?

Usually the response would be "wax, shave, Nair, repeat." However, two weeks ago I discovered a hair removal technique I hadn't tried. Enter Smooth Away!

Unlike the Yuko, this product costs 9 bucks and can be found in drug stores. I got mine at Bed, Bath and Beyond. It removes hair by exfoliating the hell out of it. Not painful, just be ready to rub a few layers of skin off.

Here is a shot of my arm. I did the wrist area. It took about 2 minutes of rubbing and came our pretty hairless (not sure if pic will show this).

Note how my arm got a bit red. No, it didn't hurt, but it just left a raw look to the skin. So I would be careful with sensitive areas. I am currently sporting "Hawaiian Punch" face. I would post a pic, but that might ruin some of the romance for HH, who already puts up with my using "baby wipes instead" of real showers and my "i can burp the alphabet" marathons. Sexy, eh?

Anyways, for 9 bucks and a little work, I would say it's worth it. WAY less painful than waxing for most areas. However, don't expect much luck with your bikini line with this one. For your lady parts, you are just going to have to bite the bullet and deal with the giant BAD WORDS that is waxing.

Good luck!

Tuesday's Tribute - Thank Yuko, I Am Vain

2009-02-23T17:01:00.000-08:00

Think back to your middle school years. Sure there were the good times, rocking out to Like a Prayer with your girlfriends at the roller rink, shopping at Contempo while eating some Sweet Factory treats, hanging that fresh Nelson poster in your locker.

For me, middle school also holds a special place in my heart because it was the only time I had "good" hair. I had the "in" hair. All my friends were getting perms, defusing and scrunching like madwomen , while I was going au-natural with my crazy, curling locks. Getting ready in the morning took about 2 minutes (ok, 2 minutes after I finished the blue eye shadow and adjusting the Kleenex in my bra). Damn if that curly hair trend, like Nelson, only lasted a year or two.

In high school, my once coveted coif became termed "the fro." I have nothing against a "fro" personally, but can be inconvenient for peripheral vision purposes. (yes, my hair is THAT BIG NATURALLY). My straight (haired) friends all laughed while I resorted to blowing dry, then ironing my fuzziness into a manageable do. My hair suffered, and my burnt hands and forehead, while making for a funny story, have never really recovered.

In college I discovered the revolutionary device known as the flat iron. I was in love! I would blow dry then flat iron my hair every day for an hour and then marvel at its smoothness. I could run my fingers threw it, see around it and style with ease. This love affair went on for quite a long time until baby came along. Reality came crashing down on me like rain on freshly blown-dry hair - WHO THE HELL HAS AN HOUR TO SPEND ON THIS CRAP?

Enter Yuko. (pause because I get a little choked up here). Yuko is not a person, but an amazing hair treatment that PERMANENTLY STRAIGHTENS your hair. Yes, it takes 5 hours. Yes, it costs a gazillion dollars. But can you really put a price on self esteem?!?! (I would also like to add that I don't color my hair, and don't get mani, pedis, other lady stuff on a regular basis, but I will spring for the Yuko).

I have gotten Yuko twice now. Last Friday was my second time and this morning I woke up, showered, blow dried and was ready in 15 minutes. Noah, who was in his gated area watching the Disney Channel, never even noticed I was gone.

Thank you Yuko, for taming this mommy's "fro" and for giving her 30 more minutes a day to spend on more important things - like blogging!

Prison Break

2009-02-23T09:56:00.000-08:00

If you were hoping for a post about that hot guy from the titled show, I totally apologize. What you get instead is a little update on the much needed weekend HH and I spent together.

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If you are a SAHM like me, I am sure you can understand when I say that being at home all week can sometimes feel like prison. Like inmates, I get scheduled outings (in between naps) to go to the grocery store, dry cleaning, park, etc. If it's a REALLY tough day I get a special pass (aka, Noah misses a nap) and then I spend way too much money at Target or Borders. Yes, there are magical mommy moments of unicorns and fairies and all that jazz, however, much of the the week still feels like The Grind (and I am not referring to that MTV show with all the fun dancing).

It's been especially tough lately because HH is working late hours again. I basically have Noah from 7 to 7 and have hit the wall by around 5pm. I am in bed by 8:30 and we have barely spoken to each other all day. On top of this, when HH is home on the weekend, he would like to catch up on stuff he can't do during the week. This leads to much whining from me about how I would LIKE A BREAK too from my job (child rearing) and enjoy a few hours off. I have been doing A LOT of whining lately.

After a day of tears from Noah, which lead to tears from me, the sweet HH asked me," What can I do to help you?" I said, "I would sell my right arm for a toddler-free weekend." Luckily, I didn't have to sell any body parts, and we ended up giving each other a weekend stay at the beach to celebrate post-Valentine's Day. My parents were so awesome and came all the way from AZ to watch Noah while Bri and I got some "play" time in. We slept in, drank wine, ate sushi, went dancing and played with our friends. It was fantastic.

I sometimes forget what life was like pre-toddler. I can't say I would trade places, but it was so nice to just be "us" for a few days. It should certainly decrease my whining....at least for a month or two.

A Cup of Honest Tea

2009-02-17T16:14:00.000-08:00

As I sink quietly into my creaky office chair (as to not wake the sleeping darling next wall over), I am filled with relief. For me, blogging has become a well-worn sweatshirt (you know the one with the hole in the armpit?) It's how I wrap myself in comfort, how I let go and just be me.

In case you haven't noticed, "being me" involves a great deal of talking about myself. Thank the lord some of you think its interesting enough to read about. Before blogging I engaged in a lot more "Me Me Me" conversations in real life. In an effort to connect and share with others, I often try to tell stories about my own life. Some have told me it makes me appear selfish or attention seeking. Both of those I fully admit to, but the "sharing" was more of an effort to connect than to brag, boast, what have you.

This little space of mine lets me share without worry that I am "over-doing it" or trying too hard. If folks aren't interested, more entertaining material is just a click away, without having to worry about hurting my feelings.

Oh Sippy Cup, I love you. I cherish you and boy have I missed you!!!

In an effort to stay sane while my computer was enjoying some down time (aka broke-city) I did what all normal people do....I blogged in my head.

After an afternoon of trying to shop for new jeans with a toddler in tow, I mentally blogged about HOW RIDICULOUS it was for me to attempt such an adventure. Luckily for the mortally offended woman who's dressing room Noah decided to invade, I have had some time to cool down as to not totally go off on her. At the time I took a picture of her feet with my phone so I could post about what a complete a-hole she was.

Tuesday's Tribute

2009-02-17T10:26:00.000-08:00

Dear Monkey,

I love you for so many reasons.

.

I also should have put "You are great at fixing computers." Thank you for returning me to the land of blogging. I have missed it.

Love,
Your Valentine - Peach

Wordful Wed - You'd Better Brush Baby!

2009-02-04T10:51:00.000-08:00

Here is Noah sporting his electric tooth brush. He loves this thing and often requests to "brush." Sometimes we even have to bribe him with a toy to get the dang thing out of his mouth.

It was not always this way.

After he got his first tooth in, HH and I had to pry his mouth open to jam the "washcloth" the dr. told us to brush his teeth with. The ped told us that if we started this early, Noah shouldn't mind a bit. Yeah right, we almost lost a finger or two. And I am sure we have hearing loss from all the screaming (mine and his). After this battle, I just gave up and went with what he seemed to want (after much frantic pointing to OUR electric brushes).

Now, I am sure this is totally NOT recommended for a 1 year old and I know there are many dangers (chip tooth, enamel scraping, etc) that come with giving a kid an electric machine he sticks in his mouth. HOWEVER, nothing compares to the trauma of having to get rotted teeth pulled.

Just ask this kid. The video is after his experience getting his teeth pulled and is entitled "Kid Drugged Up After Dentist." His dad took it and then posted it on You Tube. It's freakin hilarious, though I feel a little guilty laughing, cause you do feel sorry for the poor guy...but mostly I just laughed.

For more WW come visit Angie @ Seven Clown Circus.

Not Me Monday

2009-02-02T06:47:00.001-08:00

I had a ridiculously good weekend. Usually I am "OMG, it's Monday. I hate Mondays," but for the first time in months, I feel refreshed, revitalized and ready to face the day! (phew, what a Pollyanna moment that was). Anyways, this giddiness is due of course to the things I TOTALLY DID NOT DO this weekend.

I did not:

Get my hair cut at spa by the beach only to follow it with a foot massage and pedicure

Without guilt, let my MOL watch Noah while I was gone (thank you Mom!)

Go to a FABULOUS Bachlorette party later that evening

Let Noah play for 30 minutes with the unplugged hairdryer (while I was getting ready for said party) and he totally did not PUT IT IN THE TOILET

Splurge on (omg)$15 dollar fancy drinks with champagne with my girlfriends b/c they were delicious and sinful

Shake my money maker at a club for all it was worth (merci, bucket of champagne for making it all happen)

Thank you to the many who made this mama's night out possible. Thank you especially to my bf Sarah for inviting me and for planning the terrific evening.

Join the Not Me! Carnival at My Charming Kids.

Wordful Wednesday - Monkey See, Monkey Do

2009-01-28T15:53:00.000-08:00

" You look MARVELOUS darling, simply MARVELOUS"

It's surreal to me that in his short 12 months Noah has picked up on so many things. Lately he's been doing things like picking up the phone and "talking," using his spoon to feed his animals, and using the remote to try and turn on the tv. Hmmmm perhaps mommy has been talking on the phone, eating and watching a bit too much tv in front of the little man. Sigh.I guess I'd better stop throwing those f-bombs around....

Anyways, if you want proof that I actually can be a decent mama, watch this video. I wasn't shitting you about his pretend play. Um, I mean "pooping" you.

Love in a Handbag

2009-01-26T19:00:00.000-08:00

Today I was tagged by two fun loving bloggers. One tag asked me to spread a little love and the other to post about the handbag I used today. I think love and handbags go extremely well together, so here is my attempt to blend the bliss of both.

My bloggy buddy over at Tiaras and Tantrums is a fashionable mama with a closet full of handbags and a fantastically fun outlook on life. Any lady who can rock a PADLOCK on her Chloe handbag has got my vote for fashionista of the year!

Here are her rules:

1) "Post a picture of whatever bag you are carrying as of late. No, you cannot go up to your closet and pull out that cute little purse you used back before you had kids. I want to know what you carried today or the last time you left the house."

I awoke at 5am to the sound of pellets hitting my house. It was hail! Today was one of the rare days in SoCal were we actually had some "weather." I toted my Burberry, because the purse I ususally carry is leather and "water + leather = bad words." This bag has held up against snow, rain, spit-up and cat pee (don't leave your purse next to the cat carrier on the floor of your car when you are going to the vet and your cat is VERY VERY pissed off.) A can of Febreeze later, I am able to carry it once again!

2)" I want to know how much it cost:) And this is not to judge. This is for entertainment purposes only. So spill it. And if there is a story to go along with how you obtained it, I’d love to hear it."

The explanation for why I was carrying it being said, I would like to qualify this post with the fact that that is BY FAR the fanciest purse I own. It was a Valentine's day gift from HH three years ago, so I am not sure how much exactly it cost. I can tell you it cost way more than the Banana Republic bag I got on sale ($65.00) that I usually carry.

Just because, I included a picture of what's inside my purse today. I think what people lug around with them says a lot. Peak inside, make some projections. :)

3)" Tag some chicks. And link back to this post so people know why the heck you’re showing everyone your diaper bag/non-diaper bag."

Let the blending begin!

Natalie at Little Shindigs has a blog with fantastic party ideas! You need to check out the pirate party pics, wow- I am in awe! Anyways, she asked me to tag bloggers that I LUV. That is totally hard! I LUV so many! But I am going to tag buddies who I think will have some interesting things in their bags. Yes, I am nosy. So here goes:

Summer @ Le Musings of Moi

Rachael @ Little Bites of Heaven

DiPaola Momma @ Chicken Nuggets of Wisdom

Jen @ Buried with Children

Bar-b @ I Heart 2 Girls

Generally I tagged peeps with two or more kiddos. I am interested to see what "tools" I may need in the future. ;)

Baby Got Back

2009-01-26T12:51:00.000-08:00

I have posted before on Noah's love of dancing. Here is the latest in his dance moves repertoire. The song is called "Popcorn" and he is "shaking it up." During the chorus he even says "pop, pop, pop" a few times, but you can't really see it because I was trying to hide.

Most of the video is of his back. Once the kid notices the camera he dives for it, pulled into the vortex of "things he isn't supposed to play with, but just can't help himself." I still think it's pretty cute.

Trolling For Nannies

2009-01-22T16:58:00.001-08:00

I am ashamed to admit that I thought way too much about what I looked like today. I searched the depths of the laundry for my "cute" jeans. I found my trendy, but comfortable sneakers. I even broke my "weekdays are for ponytails" rule and gave my hair a brushing!

All for what? Because today I was going nanny hunting! I am looking to start working part time again which has lead me on a quest to find:

A nanny with a sweet demeanor. Screaming drill sergeants need not apply.
An engaged caretaker. For example, please refrain from texting or emailing while baby is creeping into the street, eating dog poop, etc.
A nanny with a light touch. Picking up Noah by one arm (did you guys see that hidden nanny cam video? yikes!) is NOT ok.

Basically if he is happy and alive at the end of the day, we are good to go.

In my quest to find Noah's new nanny, I wanted to at least look like (um, fake) that I have it somewhat together. I wanted to portray "fun and responsible," and not at all d-e-s-p-e-r-a-t-e. I find people tend to want to work for you more when they think you aren't an insomniac with a dirty house. Insert hastily ironed clothing and makeup to cover dark circles.

Where would I find this magical stand-in mommy? Our community tot-park of course! The best place to see a nanny in action is when she is surrounded by kids (does this make me a stalker? probably). So after lunch I threw on my "I am totally not spying on you" sunglasses, grabbed Noah and headed to the park.

Jackpot! There were tons of kids there! I spied the potentials:

Nanny A looked promising! She was sitting with her kiddos in the sand and playing cars. They seemed to be having a great time until "Rrrrriiinnnnggg" her mobile rang and a string of "wtf!?" and "omfg!" flew out of her mouth. Ummm, no. Not someone I want my kid learning to talk from.

Nanny B was obviously overwhelmed chasing back and forth between two dogs and two kids. She was sweating and had a constant look of worry around her eyes. I don't think I could pay that poor woman enough to make it worth her while.

Nanny C I didn't even bother watching. One glance at the three shoeless kids, one playing in the fire pit and the baby eating sand made me want to pick up the kidlets and call their mama.

The best nannies I saw today seemed to be related to the kids. In fact, I think most were mommies. (I managed to sneak in a "Oh they are adorable! Are they yours?" a few times to find the answer was, "yes, they are mine." sigh.)

I refuse to give up this easily. I was a nanny for 3 years and I managed to not kill any of the 4 kids I took care of. Noah's nanny is out there and I will find her!

So I'd better throw those "I am so fun, come work for me!" jeans in the wash. Next week I'll be trolling for nannies once more.

Tuesday's Tribute

2009-01-21T15:43:00.000-08:00

Being a bit of attention seeking a-hole, I haven't taken much time to use my blog for anything besides ranting about my own personal mommy woes. Thank you Jay for reminding me that "it isn't all about me."

On that happy note, I would like to dedicate my first Tuesday's Tribute to another smart cookie, my grandmother - my sunshine, the warmth shining down on me from heaven.

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Lessons from Grandma

“You are my sunshine, my only sunshine.
You make me happy, when skies are gray.
You’ll never know dear how much I love you,
So please don’t take my sunshine away.”

These are the words that rocked me to sleep at Grandma’s house. They play softly in my mind whenever I think of her. From the time I was born, my grandmother was the sunshine in my day. She was unconditional warmth, surrounding me like a security blanket, allowing me to feel safe and loved. Under her love I blossomed and grew. At two I was tap dancing in the kitchen, by five riding the kiddie coasters gripping her hand, by ten we were taking adventures to cities I’d never dreamed I would go.

Time spent in the yellow house was a time of hidden treasures and laughter. At Grandma’s house we were always "on vacation." From sneaking Oreos in the cookie jar, to staying up past our bedtime playing Bingo, we got away with things that we couldn't at home. When asked for pancakes for dinner, Grandma would say, “Why not, you’re on vacation!”

At Grandma's house I learned a something I carry with me daily. It's the sweet, silly things in life that make life worth living. Yes, I learned to do many new things; how to bake lemon cake, how to dance the polka, how to play Rummy 500. But it was those first bites of a cake we had baked, whirling around the room to ‘Bring Out the Barrels,” and cheering when we had reached 500 that made me understand what being alive should feel like.

I wonder now how my grandma put up with my sister and I, buzzing about the house, creating messes with glitter and glue, never making our beds, and digging holes in the back yard. If these things bothered her, she never said a word. It is in this demonstration of patience and understanding that I learned another lesson. I learned the meaning of unconditional love.

And so Grandma, I will not say goodbye. Each moment of happiness I have, you are there. Every time I dance, ride a roller coaster, or just sit and enjoy the sweet, silly things in life, you are sitting beside me, smiling. And when I put your great-grandson, who you never got to meet, to bed at night I sing to him with with you in my heart, “You are my sunshine.”

Beam Me Up, Snotty!

2009-01-20T17:11:00.000-08:00

Ugh. Another case of the snotties. Tried to capture the fantastic boogey bubble erupting out of his left nostril, but he popped it at the last minute with his fingers (which then went directly into his eye)....

Anyways, Mama's got it too. Good thing you can't get any REAL viruses over the computer.

Hope you are all feeling well this week!

Family Time Values

2009-01-18T18:21:00.000-08:00

Sunglasses, sunscreen and a water bottle: $20

Fancy hiking backpack we've only used twice: $130

Climbing to the highest point in the county only to ignore the breathtaking view and be fascinated by the rocks on the ground: Priceless

A Satisfying Swig

2009-01-16T09:40:00.000-08:00

Warning: This post contains ranting. Though I typically rant, I am not usually quite so angry. Sip at your own risk.

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Dear Fancy-Pants Pediatrician,

Yes, you are very, very smart. Yes, you went to Berkley and were the chief of pediatrics at a prestigious hospital. Yes, you have been nominated as TOP PED for our county 5 years in a row now. Please accept this cookie as a token of my acknowledgment of your many accomplishments .

You done with that cookie yet?

Now, while your success entitles you to many things (including the Porsche parked in the doctor lot), it DOES NOT entitle you to:

Treat parents as if they are idiots. Your reference to believing in Dr. Sears' vaccine book is akin to "believing the world is flat" was VERY INSULTING. May I remind you that doctors once believed that leeches were the cure for many ailments. You can see how well that worked out.
Perhaps it would also be nice to know SOMETHING, ANYTHING about the child's parents. If you tell this former kinder teacher one more time to "read to your child daily" I am going hit you upside the head with my copy of The Hungry Caterpillar.
Develop some sort of bedside manner. That 2 second hand shake when you walk in might also be nice followed by a "How are you guys doing?" "What's Noah up to lately?" "How was his birthday?" Maybe pat Noah on the head, give him a hug, perhaps SMILE? Maybe just start with smile, we don't want to have to pay extra or anything.

All these requests are to be fulfilled ASAP. This mommy is currently searching for a new pediatrician. And while you may have lost this family, you wouldn't want it to get around that you are an arrogant a-hole. It may tarnish that crown just a bit.

Sincerely,

Noah's Mommy

Wordful Wednesday - Me Smash Cake!

2009-01-13T17:40:00.000-08:00

One

Two

Three

Oh the thrill of having your very own cake (and using your hands to eat it!)

This weekend we celebrated Noah's 1st birthday with some of his little buddies at the local My Gym. We all had a fantastic time. There was a puppet show, some dancing and tumbling, and even a zip-line for the kiddies. Check out Noah on the zip-line. He was none too excited. But I think his experience eating pizza and cake more than made up for it!

What a fun day it was!

Leave It To Beaver : Napping Strike Explained

2009-01-08T14:56:00.000-08:00

Question : "How much wood would a wood chuck, chuck if a wood chuck could chuck wood?"

My reply: "I dunno. Is he getting his molars in?"

Poor Noah and my poor crib. That kid ripped the teething guard off and threw it across the room. No wonder he hasn't been sleeping, he's been a busy little beaver!

Writing Prompt - 6 Degrees of Marriage

2009-01-07T10:40:00.000-08:00

(Ok, I know it's early, but we are having some fantastic napping strikes, so it's now or never!)

Kat's prompt I chose this week was to get someone you love to describe you in 6 words. Immediately I am instant messaging HH at work so I could get this post in before Noah wakes up from his much needed nap, which may have led him to his first adjective of:

Anxious - Tell me you share in the feeling that kids yield anxiety. Yes, they bring love and joy and blah blah blah, but they also leave you with thoughts of "Is my kid breathing, tired, hungry, sad, etc?" constantly in the back of your mind. Last night I couldn't sleep because I was worried about Noah being too cold in his room...and we live in California.

Sweet - To be this worried all the time, one must either be crazy (which hasn't been clinically diagnosed just yet) or care a lot. I like to think I am sweet because I care a whole bunch about our family.

Determined - Dear "To Do List," I heart you.

Pesky- Imagine puppies and other mischievous, high energy creatures. I like to poke at HH (generally when he is tired), just to get a grumpy-faced reaction. Sarah C., thank you for teaching me how to give a "pencil sharpener" -Oh, what fun!

Challenging- A nice way to say "High Maintenance."

Tender- The moments I do calm down, I guess I can be a bit of a snuggle bug. But that is after the laundry is done, the kitchen is clean, Noah is sleeping, etc.

Wow, I sound like a winner. Good thing I snagged him in my college "care-free" days. I don't think this list would work too well in the romance want-ads.

To be fair, I told HH that he was:

steady

cuddly

stubborn

sweet

smart

deliberate

Funny that our first adjectives are opposites. I guess that must be the glue that holds it all together.

If you have glossed over this post in a (phew, this is narcissistically boring!) way, don't worry, I kinda did too. Point is: I am a tireless puppy, always pulling at a leash. I keep us moving forward. He is a rock, wise in so many ways, just don't try to get him to move too quickly. Thank goodness for his stability.

Together, we make a great team!

525,600 Minutes

2009-01-05T08:59:00.001-08:00

How do you measure a year?

For this family, 2008 can definitely be measured in love. Please pardon my sappiness as I get a little choked up - my little man is one year old on Wednesday.

As I fed him his morning "ba-ba" today, wrapped up in his snuggle blankie, I held him just a little tighter. I thought about the fact that I wouldn't be able to sit in his glider much longer and have tender moments like this. It seems the bigger he gets, the more he wants "da" (down). Little tears formed in my eyes and rolled down onto his sweet head....about 60 seconds later he gave out a giant toot and then laughed so hard I couldn't help but join in. That's motherhood for you, crying one minute, laughing the next.

Here is a look at our 12 months of love.

Noah James learned so many things in his first year. How to sit up, then crawl and now how to walk! How to say a handful of words and to sign a few too. Mommy also learned a few things this year. Here is a list, lest in a moment of weakness (oh the dreaded baby fever!) I forget and start wanting to try for #2 too soon. This year Mommy learned how to:

Read all four novels of the Twilight series while breastfeeding
Prepare dinner with right arm, dangling baby on left hip (avoiding stove)
Shovel in my own meals in under 3 minutes
Drive with one hand while finding dropped toy in backseat with other
Survive on 4-5 hours of sleep
Shower in about 60 seconds while watching monitor and listening for baby crying
Interpret the "I am hungry" cry from the "I am just pissed off" cry
Hold the bathroom drawer closed with left foot, brush teeth with right hand, hold Noah's hand with left pink finger (that was last night)
How to get to all Babies R 'Us within a 50 mile radius.
That the term "mother bear" doesn't even come close.

Somewhere on the list should also be that despite the sarcasm, I learned that I love being a mama . There is nothing like having a little person love you so unconditionally that you just want to stay in that glider chair, cuddled together with a blankie, holding them tight forever.

It was a year of love, indeed.

Wordful Wednesday - My Boys and Their Toys

2008-12-31T06:13:00.000-08:00

What a lovely first Christmas in our new place we had! I was so worried that with all the rush of moving, we wouldn't be able to celebrate the holiday properly, but silly mama, all you need is love and family (and gadgets!) to make your holiday bright. Here are some pics of my boys and their new toys.

In true "geek" fashion, we are a family of electrical gadget lovers. This year, HH gave me the miraculous ROOMBA. The love I have for this robot knows no bounds. It is my own personal cat-hair army. Returning the favor, I gave HH a hands-free blue tooth for his iPhone. Here he is playing with the voice activation. Yes, HH you are a super-spy.

I have to admit however, that this love of electronics didn't come directly from the Fornator line. Here is my dad reading the directions to his new Flip recorder. While understanding all thing related to the heart (the actual human heart, not romance), my dad isn't exactly known for being a techie. Hope you have figured that thing out Dad!

Like papa, like son - here is Noah exploring one of his favorite gifts, a toy with gears. He spent most of yesterday taking the gears off and trying to figure out how this thing worked.

Now, that gear toy definitely got high marks from my 11 month old. But the irony of infancy was not lost with our guy. The next picture is of his favorite thing he got for Christmas. I didn't have to order away for it, or wrap it, or worry about our "Santa" budget. Nope, it came from Albertsons on Christmas Eve and was 2.99. It's a balloon. Take a look at this pic, is it love or what?

Hope you had a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

Merry Christmas To All!

2008-12-24T15:58:00.000-08:00

May the joy of the season fill you with happiness!

Cheers,
The Mantuano Family

Writer's Workshop - A Letter to Santa

2008-12-17T14:12:00.001-08:00

Dear Santa,

I think you have a pretty thankless job. You spend all year taking care of your little ones (the elves of course) and picking up after the pets (reindeer). You get constant requests for toys and receive very few thank yous. On your big night you are expected to slap on a cute outfit and jolly smile and fill the wishes of boys and girls all without a night's sleep. Hmmm, Santa your job sounds a whole lot like BEING A MOMMY!

With all of your time spent on others, it's no wonder you have put on a few pounds. I would like to apologize for all the insensitive a-holes who liken your stomach to a "bowl full of jelly." May they receive coal this year.

Santa please know that you are appreciated. I realize you don't receive a paycheck for all of your hard work and have to remind yourself that your effort to make children happy is rewarding in itself...wait what am I saying?....Screw that Santa. This year, put your feet up, open a box of Oreos and LET SOMEONE ELSE TAKE CARE OF THE KIDS! I hear Fed Ex is open Christmas Eve.

Sincerely,

Rachel (Who stills likes ponies...hint hint)

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Thank you to Kat for the great prompts and to the bloggers who spend invaluable nap times doing their Writer's Workshop posts. You are the gift that keeps on giving!

Wordful Wednesday - In Da Buff

2008-12-17T09:21:00.000-08:00

Couldn't resist more therapy sessions needed for Noah when he gets older....I mean really, have you ever seen a butt this cute? And check out the thighs. Yes, I bite them daily (I know that sounds weird, but mommies, you know what I mean!). The other thing I love, but you can't see in this picture, are the adorable dimples in his legs. Mommy has these too, but for some reason, they are not so adorable on her....

I have posted before on Noah's favorite state of being and marvel each time at the joy he gets from running around naked. I am just a little bit jealous at his complete lack of self-consciousness. I typically avoid even looking in the mirror when I am getting dressed for fear of catching an unflattering glimpse. If my husband is home when I am walking to get underwear from the dresser, I do a backward shuffle to avert his gaze from those "adorable" dimples which sprinkle my thighs. All of this musing leads me to question..."When do we lose our love of our bodies for just being just how they are?"

I think I know the WHY (insert pictures from US Weekly here....). But I want to know the WHEN. It's not that I want Noah to grow up a nudest or anything. I mean what if he had to ride the bus or something? (shuddering at naked people in buses and the germ ramifications of this....) If I could only pinpoint that critical moment when it changes from "I'm awesome!" to "What does __ and __ think about me?" Maybe I could stop it from happening just a little.

My wish would be for him to grow older, always retaining this feeling of unconditional self-love.

(I would also like to solve world hunger and create peace among men, thank you.)

Bust Out the Bubbly!

2008-12-15T22:17:00.000-08:00

Hello fellow bloggers! It's time to celebrate! I just received an exciting email - I am going to be featured @ SITS! (Doing a happy dance in my chair).

Pause to regain decorum....

Ahem.

I have to take this opportunity to tell you guys that I am so thankful to have my bloggy buddies in my life, especially my SITS buddies (check out the ladies under Fabulous Links, they rock). You guys have been an amazing support network this year!

So many things have happened! My husband and I celebrated our 3rd anniversary, my son, Noah was born (and is going to be 1 next month - yikes, where does the time go?!?), and we just bought our very first house!

This has also been a year for blogging. Sippy Cup Chardonnay emerged as a way to connect with people. As a new SAHM I thought I might lose it (one can only sing Twinkle Twinkle and attend so many playdates in a week). It began as therapy, and has become an obsession and a great way to avoid doing housework!

Most of my posts are about mommy life. Here are some that were fun to write:

Hasta La Vista, Boobies

My 10 Fears

My Halloween Grinch

Toxic Baby Bums

Hope you enjoy your time here. Pour yourself a glass of Chardonnay and enjoy!

Cheers,

Rachel

p.s. I think you'll find the more you drink, the better my posts are anyway. haha.

Not Me! Monday

2008-12-15T21:44:00.000-08:00

After eating a whole package (yes, I said whole package, don't judge me) of chocolate covered Oreos and checking in with some of my favorite bloggers, I am feeling so much better! You guys have me cracking up with your "Not Me! Monday" posts. I have always loved the game "I never" but this takes it to a whole new level. Thought I would join in the fun.

This week I DID NOT:

Feed my 11 month old Frosted Flakes one frantic morning because I couldn't find the Cheerios. (And he totally DID NOT throw them up 10 minutes later....)
Threaten to sell the cat to the glue factory after she peed on the new carpet 2 times
Let Noah play with a box of wires yesterday (they were unplugged at least!) because it kept him busy for 20 minutes
Confuse Neosporin for my travel sized toothpaste at 12am when I finally went to bed. Note to all: It tastes like what I imagine toe jam would.....
Try and convince my husband that it was ok for HIM to wear MY jeans to his office, because all his pants were at the old house (He did actually try them on and looked way better in them. Sorry Brian, if your co-workers read this.)
Go out and buy the $16 dollar Williams Sonoma brownie mix, because I thought I would impress my new neighbors and then BURN THE HELL out of them
Use baby wipes as my "shower" for the day (2 days this week....sad, very sad)
Wake up to make at least 5 different To Do lists at various times during the night and then rip them up in frustration in the morning

Ok, so I realize this makes me sound completely neurotic. Truth is, I mostly am anyway, but this has just been an especially crazy week. Good news is most of the boxes are unpacked and my parents are coming back to help us settle into the my new house in less than a week. I promise, no more "baby wipe" showers after that......well, not more than once a month at least....

Have a great week!

You'd better not pout, you'd better not cry....

2008-12-15T09:44:00.000-08:00

Just a quick post to check in. We just got internet in the new casa and I feel like they just turned the water on. What did people do before they had the web?

Can't stay on long, Noah is currently screaming from his crib. We are on day four of napping strike. You'd think he would appreciate his fantastic fortune at having a much bigger room and a whole playroom to himself. He seems much happier, however, at the scary wires, boxes and tools laying around that he has to play with.

I will be back later to write more when we both are a little more sweet and a whole lot less pouty.

I leave you with the view from our new house (yes, that is the ocean in the distance, its a far distance, but hey, its's there!). The quality is not great, because I took this with my iPhone. Lord knows where the real camera is....

Writer's Workshop

2008-12-03T19:51:00.000-08:00

This week I have chosen to go the distance and do all of Kat's prompts. That lady is so creative, I have trouble picking just one....

1). Post and write about the 6th picture from (the 6th folder of?) your Flickr account and then do the same for the 6th picture of the 6th folder on your computer.

The picture below is the 6th photo from the 6th folder of my Picasa account (don't have Flickr). It's Noah and I in Brian's parents' pool. His Grandpa bought him a raft and he was all about it. My kid loves the water.

From September

The next picure shows you who he gets it from.........

This is Noah's papa surfing it up in San Diego. It just happened to be the 6th picture from the 6th folder on my hardrive. Not too weird that it is another water picture. We are beach lovin folks, I think Noah should have been born with gills.....

2). Are you still friends with you high school friends? Describe them.

I am delighted to say I have 2 best buddies from high school whom I love very much. Cynthia, I wrote a post about a while ago is a beautiful island babe. Gorgeous on the outside, freakin hilarious on the inside. We share a love of puppies and nose picking. Beth is who I want to be when I grow up. She is a woman who strives to be the best person she can be and is not afraid to be the change she wants to see in this world. She is also as sweet as pie and a loyal friend. She is my "warm hug." (Cynthia, you are my itchy sweater...:P)

(My beautiful bridesmaids - Beth and Cynthia on the right )

3). If you had to star in a reality tv show, which one would it be and why?

This one's easy. I would be on The Hills so I could slap that douche-bag Spencer from here to Kentucky.

4). Describe a time when your pet caused chaos

Daily. Today's episode occured about an hour ago when she came out of her bathroom with a rather large dingleberry hanging from her bum and I chased her all over the house with a paper towel trying to wipe it off her butt before it got lost in the depths of my shag carpet. She hid under the bed for 20 minutes and emerged "dingle-free". GAH -how will I sleep knowing it's under my bed somewhere!?!?

Cat says: "There's more where that came from. Keep giving me the diet food and next time it will be ON TOP of you bed.... I am thinking your pillow......"

Wordful Wednesday - The Playa

2008-12-02T19:24:00.001-08:00

I can't get enough of the sound Noah makes when he's really excited about something (in fact, I have made it my new ring tone). The phrase "squealing with delight" comes to mind, but doesn't fully explain it. I think "audio joy" is a better description. Exuberance pours out of him, fills the room with happiness and touches everyone around him. You can't help but smile. Check out his papa and uncle, they've clearly been feeling the audio joy.

Awards!?!

2008-11-30T21:07:00.000-08:00

While I was gone some very sweet ladies decided to send some awards my way. I can't tell you how nice it was to come back home and find out that I was missed by more than just my cats!

Thank you very, very much to Sandy, YaYa, and Suz for your kindness. I will be spreading the award love soon!

On another happy note, Mommy got another great award today - normal Noah poop! I never thought I would be so happy to see a BM. He's definitely on the mend! (Note: didn't take photo of this as I didn't think others would be quite as excited by this occurence. I was tempted, however, to put in a photo of his red-concentrating face. Couldn't do it. The poor guy will already be in therapy for all the TMI I share about him.....)

Have a great week!

Explosion!

2008-11-30T09:12:00.000-08:00

Firstly, I would like to say a huge"thank you" to all my bloggy buddies. I just saw my comment love while I've been away and it gives me a tingly, happy feeling inside (not unlike sipping some delicious champagne). And I have some awards - what!?!? You guys spoil me. Seriously, it has been a pretty sucky week and you have made me feel so much better. I am sending you all out some happy mojo right now. Do you feel it?

Here is a quick update about what's new with us.

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Explosion!!!!

So do you want the good news first or the bad?

I am a good news first type person. Think of it as a sedative before the crappiness (literally). In the last two weeks little Noah has had a "word explosion." Something must have clicked in there, because now he says: mama, papa, cat, duck, ball, up, cup, ba-ba, and car. He has also become a pointing machine. He points to label things, he points when he wants more, sometimes he gets so excited he points two fingers in the air and screams with joy. (I call this his "touchdown" move).

Pointing to the ducks in Grammy's kitchen. He was obsessed with the ducks. Hurrah for distraction!

The OTHER explosion was not so fantastic. Noah got the stomach flu. The barfy, squirty, poo, stomach flu. I won't go into too much detail, for those with a sensitive gag-reflex, but it was bad. New pants needed bad.

I am sure you parents out there can agree that there is nothing worse than watching your little ones suffer. After 5 days of this I felt like I am going to need some therapy and it was just the stomach flu. No hospitalization required (though we did get him ready for the ER at one point).

Noah eating his "prison" diet of bread and water. Accessorized with nifty head-temp sticker.

From this experience I have learned two things:

1) My in-laws are saints. THANK GOD Noah got sick in a house with a nurse and a doctor. Grammy helped me clean him up and keep him calm and Lolo held him throughout the nights and gave him the best health care a Mommy could ask for. We are so blessed to have such loving grandparents.

2) I also need to be more THANKFUL for my son's general health. He gets a virus and I fall apart. I am so very grateful that he is blessed with good health and is usually very easy to care for. Mommies out there with constantly sick little one's, I have a new found appreciation for your courage and patience.

This Thanksgiving I got a chance to be very thankful. Thankful for my wonderful, caring family. I hope you all had a fantastic turkey day filled with yummy food, family, and happiness.

Off to check out your blogs!

AFK

2008-11-18T09:49:00.000-08:00

Hello Bloggy Buddies!

Just wanted to say that I will be Away From Keyboard for a few weeks. No big deal, just celebrating the holiday then the big house move. I will try and take lots of pics so I can share when I get back.

Hope you all have a fantastic Turkey Day!

Hugs,
Rachel

My Absent Minded Professor

2008-11-14T14:56:00.000-08:00

I don't think I have talked much yet about my dear husband, Brian, who hence forth shall be referred to as HH (Hottie Husband). While being completely adorable, HH has been blessed with an engineer's brain which makes him process information a bit differently than most folks.

He is FANTASTIC at all things electrical and computer related. For example, I asked him for a Marie Antoinette blog (Coppola version) and he provided me with my current header and background. Thank you, HH! He works as a software engineer (where they call him "The Brain")and takes computers apart for fun.

What comes with all this left-brained logic, however, is an interesting outlook on fashion. Note the following picture:

Me: You couldn't find the matching pants to these pajamas?

HH: They do match.

Me: And how's that?

HH: You know, they are horses and dogs.

Me: Ah, so it's and animal theme.

HH: Exactly.

I kid you not. He really thinks they match. He also believes that pajama-clad is a perfectly normal way for adults to leave the house (or take your son to the PUBLIC library in). Which may explain this:

I have no explanation, however, for the pimp-jacket.

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Did I also mention he is a great sport? Love you Monkey!

Writer's Workshop - Dude Looks Like A Lady

2008-11-12T19:08:00.000-08:00

The Mama Kat assignment I chose this week was to write a haiku about what I saw out my window. The first thing I saw was a ladybug crawling across my window screen and I thought about how funny it is that male ladybugs are still called "ladies" (Do you think they get insulted?)Here's my haiku devoted the cross-dressers of the insect world.

Creeping ladybug

You're not a "lady" at all

Sex changes aren't cheap

Ok, I think this post proves I need more sleep. Off to bed soon to dream of ladybugs with mustaches. Can't wait to read what you all wrote tomorrow!

Wordful Wednesday - Just Chillin

2008-11-12T06:45:00.000-08:00

Hello up there Mama!

You sure have been running around a lot the last few days. I just wanted to remind to to relax every once and a while and pay attention to me. See how I am just chillin' here on the carpet? Come on, lay down. I will forgive you that you haven't vacuumed this week, or that I have to wear my pjs because all my clothes are dirty. It's ok. Let's lay down and snuggle. I will even let you give me big kisses and nuzzle my cheeks.

I promise, if you take this moment to sit with me, you will feel better.
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Note: This totally worked for Mommy. Thank you little guy. You are very wise!

Home - Accents and Attitudes

2008-11-10T18:24:00.001-08:00

So if you read my previous post (rant), you know I am frantically trying to get organized for the move. I have been searching through magazine after magazine for furniture and art for our new place. Most of our current stuff was bought in our college days and still carries the faint musk of Coors Lite and possible throw up. Now that we are home owners, I feel the need to "grow-up" and get some adult furniture.

After hours of searching I can upon the only piece of art I MUST HAVE. I found it in the Uncommon Goods catalog and its handmade by the artist Erin Smith. In case you can't read the text, it says:

"Your boots may be made for walking

but mine are in case I need to

kick your ass."

I think this just may become my new motto. So much for being grown up!

Brain Blitz

2008-11-09T09:04:00.000-08:00

Firstly, I would like to say I have had three cups of coffee already this morning, so bare with me.

The reason behind this caffeine splurge has everything to do with some exciting and overwhelming news. Our little family is moving! In one week we will be the proud owners of our very first home.

I know there is never a good time to move, but boy are the holidays going to be chaotic with a new house. It's Noah's first turkey day and first Christmas, so I have that crazy, "everything must be perfect for him" mentality. Will I be able to put up a tree? How will we get the lights up in time? Where can we find a Santa Suit for Daddy to dawn on Christmans Eve? The holiday anxiety continues despite the fact I know he won't remember any of it. Oh, rational thought, why have you forsaken me?!?

Last night I plopped into bed, exhausted from some pre-packing organization. To my utter dismay, I couldn't fall asleep for four more hours. My mind was involved in what I like to call a "brain blitz" - a spiral of non-productive thoughts and worries that only leads to sleeplessness and unanswered questions.

I closed my eyes and saw the new house. Then I saw the puke-like paint in the family room. I started listing new paint colors and made a mental note to check for low-toxin paint at Home Depot. Then I thought, when will I have time to go to Home Depot, before I do the laundry or after I feed Noah breakfast? What should I feed Noah for breakfast? He has been a bit "plugged-up" so maybe I should try the flax seed oil I read about...but first I should call his pediatrician. Damn, I forgot to schedule his one-year shots. ACK! One year shots! Need to do more research on the MMR vaccination........ By this time 20 minutes of sleep has flown out the window.

Tell me please that this happens to you as well. I will then be comforted in the thought that I am not suffering alone (not in a "nah-nah-nah, schadenfreude sense", but more a "phew, I am not the only crazy one" type of feeling.)

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*Note: Wanted to somehow impart that I feel completely blessed that I have a new home to live and make memories in. I don't think I did that very well, so here is the addendum to try and convince myself I am not such a whiny biatch after all.

I've Been Picked!

2008-11-05T13:42:00.001-08:00

Noah's mommy over at Project Mommyhood has picked me to be a part of her game of TAG.

Here are 7 tidbits about me:

1. I am a sci-fi, fantasy novel junkie. If the book has vampires, witches or werewolves, I am all about it. I am currently reading "Sorcery and the Single Witch." It's super cute.

2. One of my favorite qualities in a person is enthusiasm!!! I love to meet passionate people (even if they are schooling me in which diaper brand to buy *wink*).

3. Whenever I hear someone with an accent, (especially a British accent)I inadvertently start talking like them. Words like "blimey" and "have a go at it" start creeping out of my mouth. This usually ends in at person thinking I am mocking them. I can't control this. There must be a syndrome with this name.

4. I love cleaning, but HATE to cook. Anyone want to trade a toilet scrub for some lasagna?

5. My junior year in college I lived in Madrid, Spain. There they have a scheduled siesta (nap) every day. Why doesn't the US jump on this?

6. A very long time ago I used to play Belle @ Disneyland (pre-wrinkles and baby).

7. If I could eat one thing all day, everyday it would be bean and cheese burritos. The man I share a bed with has something against this idea....

Thanks for reading my TMI. Now go visit these ladies, because they are IT next!

Wordful Wednesday - My Little Mcconaughey

2008-11-04T15:21:00.000-08:00

Noah has a quirky mommy. I work for the arts department of my local school district. I love theater, music, and teaching creative movement to kiddos. Because of this passion, Noah and I spend a lot of our day finger painting and dancing to James Brown. So its no surprise that at 9 months my little guy started to groove.

What has been surprising, is that my son has become a djembe playing maniac. He sees the drum and MUST play. He also appreciates playing them in the buff (ok, well with a diaper on). I think this makes him A LOT like Matthew McConaughey, without all the creepy, shirtless-old-man action.

Here's a pic of him in-between sets.

My only hope is that he doesn't grow up to live in a trailer by the beach and be famous for doing pushups in little more than a Speedo. A mother can dream, right?

This post was brought to you by:

Toxic Baby Bums?

2008-11-03T18:55:00.000-08:00

Have you ever stood in line at a grocery store and felt like the person behind you was peeking into your cart, evaluating your choices? I have, but maybe it's just my guilt over the Oreos, white bread, soda and other items in a nutritionist's nightmare I have hidden under the veggies in my cart. However, while I frequently get this creepy feeling, I have never actually had someone comment OUT LOUD on my cart contents. Today I did.

I had just finished placing a bottle of California Baby Bubble Bath on the register when the woman (accompanied by a toddler) said to me, "Good choice! That brand is paraben-free and my son loves the essential oils." Well thank you strange lady, I appreciate your approval. But, paraben -free? Ok, so I knew it was something they put into lotions, but it didn't sound like such a bad thing to me. I had plucked the Bubble Bath from the shelf because it said, "For Cranky, Overtired Babies," and thought -hey, that's right up my TIME CHANGE alley!

She then gave me a 10 minute lecture on why paraben is horrible. I sorta listened with one ear because to be honest, I was in Whole Foods. The people there can be a little, well, "granola" some times and I can't afford to listen to a rant on why I need to buy re-cycled toilet paper, when Costco sells the cheap stuff in bulk. (Speaking of Costco, she told me NEVER to buy the wipes, apparently they are like pouring bleach on baby bums - funny, Noah seems fine).

When I got home I did a little research on paraben and came upon the site Safe Mama. I should have just watched a SAW movie or the Excorcist for the amount of fear it instilled in me. Yes, I had the BPA free bottles, no I didn't have a BPA free teether. My wipes had enough toxins to peel skin off, but my Sippy Cups (the ones without Chardonnay :P ) were ok. My head started to spin.

After a half an hour of freak-out, I finally decided to take a deep breath and GET OVER IT. I do what I can to keep my little guy happy and safe. I've read the books, I watch out for recalls, I don't let him take candy from strangers, etc. And seriously, I should be more worried about the crappy air quality of SoCal, I am sure paraben is nothing compared to a little green house gases.

So if I have the pleasure of seeing Whole Foods Mama again, I am going to whip out my Costco wipes and offer her some. I may even suggest a good bottle of chardonnay for its therapeutic relaxing qualities- organic, of course!

A Tall Glass of Saucy!

2008-11-02T08:59:00.000-08:00

Today "my cup runneth over" - Sippy Cup has been nominated as a Saucy Blog!

After peeling my eyes open to baby cries at 5am (what Noah, you don't understand the time change? neither does Mommy....) I stumbled into my office to see the great news.

I have to give a shout out to all the lovely bloggers I have met so far through SITS, what a wonderful support network you have become. To the newcomers, thanks for stopping by, I can't wait to visit you all soon!

Cheers,
Rachel

Halloween Parade - Our Little Pirate

2008-11-01T06:49:00.000-07:00

At the door and ready to plunder some treats!

You know you just gave candy to a baby, right?

Ice cream too? Being a pirate is AWESOME!

Sug-AR High!

Come on over to SITS and join the Halloween Parade!

Writer's Workshop

2008-10-30T10:08:00.000-07:00

This week I chose prompt #5 from Kat's List. The following list is my Top Ten Reasons (a la David Letterman) why hubby and I should start trying for another baby.

(Our little Noah James - 1 day old)

10. Because Summer's new baby is so adorable, she makes my ovaries hurt.
9. I could tell my mother it was her Christmas gift.
8. No periods and bigger boobs!
7. More Blog Fodder (just kidding....I think)
6. Pregnancy is a great cover-up for holiday weight gain.
5. So Noah will not have "Only Child" Syndrome.
4. To have a little girl. (Hurray for dress-up and Disney Princesses)
3. Baby making is fun!
2. Because I only have 2 more months left of Noah's babyhood (cry!)
1. I am insane.

Wordful Wednesday - My Halloween Grinch

2008-10-28T19:56:00.000-07:00

And I thought no one could possibly hate Halloween costumes more than my cats.....

The following two pictures are attempt #1 and 2 to get Noah excited for his first Halloween.

The first photo is Noah just wearing the hat from Grammy Tutu's lovely "Monkey Suit." His grandma ordered it special from one of those fancy baby catalogues where nothing is under 50 bucks. Funny, as I looked through the catalogue I saw nothing but smiling, happy babies. In fact the kid wearing the monkey suit is about the cutest thing I have ever seen. Here is Noah's take on the costume:

(*note: photo is blurry due to vigorous head shaking on Noah's behalf. I guess he thought he might be able to fling the thing off...Or maybe he is wishing it away?)

So no luck with Mr. Monkey.

Insert Attempt #2.

I got really jazzed when I went into Gymboree and saw this penguin costume - ON SALE!

It was only $15 (a third of what the monkey suit cost my poor mother). The "hat" element didn't seem quite as binding and didn't go around his neck, which is what I think really pissed him off in the first place. Its soft and adorable and much like a hoodie sweatshirt (which Noah has no problem with).

Here's what he thought of it:

Again with the blurry photo, not so much from head shaking, but a fantastic back arching in attempt to throw self out of costume.

So now I am left with 2 days until Halloween and no costume for my kid.

Really, I am thinking of going with the Captain Underpants idea I saw in a magazine...diaper and a cape. I know he can rock that.

What's the Word?

2008-10-24T17:24:00.000-07:00

The "Word on the Street" today is brought to you by my nine month old, Noah. It's his first word, so drumroll please!

(pause for effect)

And the word today is CAT. Not mama, not dada, nope, it's cat. The cat who bolts out of the room when Noah enters. The cat who glares menacingly at the baby who has taken rights to my lap. The cat who LOATHES the baby.

A little ironic, don'tcha think?

Writer's Workshop

2008-10-22T19:15:00.000-07:00

Under "Fabulous Links" you will see a fabulous lady called Mama Kat. This is my third attempt at her Writer's Workshop.

*Warning the following post contains excessive dorkiness. Please bear with me.

-------------------------------

This may come as a surprise, but I AM COMICON-ATTENDING, WORLD OF WARCRAFT LOVING, GAMER. It all started at the tender age of 9 when I received the oringal Nintedo NES from Santa (my dad's way of trying to compensate for living in an all female house surrounded by ballet lessons and tutus.)

After about 2 days of trying to "bond" with my little sis and I, and being completely schooled by his two young daughters at Super Mario Bros, he gave up. That year I spent hours challenging male cousins to tournaments in games like Elevator Action and DKJ. Oh the giddiness at beating them -my passion for gaming was born!

In high school, I graduated to a more sophisticated N64. I once played Mario Cart for 18 hours straight. No, I am not making this up. Lucky for me I later started dating a boy (now my husband) who also had a thing for Mario Cart. It is through that passion (addiction?) that I got the nickname, "Peach." Well, "Princess Peach" to be exact, but just call me Peach for short (he still does).

I love how unforgiving Peach is as she shoots on past her buddies with a smarmy little "Thank you!" She's seems like she is being proper, but really you know she's thinking, "Eat my tiara boys!" She's my favorite kind of princess!

After my Mario Cart years, I spent a lot of college playing Zelda: Octarina of Time. This is probably why I got a C in Calculus (stupid Water Temple, oh how you taunted me!), but boy was it worth it.

In the last few years I had moved on from console games to PC gaming. I REALLY loved Diablo until I discovered the World of Warcraft. And I thought I has spent a lot of time gaming before.....oh boy.... Have you guys seen the episode of Southpark about WoW? Yes, it really is like that. (Minus the fact that I DID take potty breaks, that's just dirty.)

Anyways, my husband and I had to put our games away when we discovered I was pregnant with Noah. I just couldn't be a mommy and be pwning mage too. So now I blog instead! ;)

Long story short. My husband still calls me "Peach" after all the time we have spent gaming together. And that's how I got the nickname "Peach."

Wordful Wednesday - I Plan My Escape

2008-10-21T20:21:00.000-07:00

Hey, check me out Mommy, I can totally reach the door lock now. I know you took lots of care growing me all those 9 months ....and I know you like to chase around and snuggle me (yuck) and kiss me (blech) ....but hey, I am an independent guy now. I have things to do and people to meet. The whole world is waiting for me outside this door! It's like that book you read to me,"Oh the places I will go!!!!"

Hey wait....why are wearing a sad face Mommy? Don't cry Mommy....

Ok, Ok, I won't leave you yet Mommy. I can't reach the door handle anyways.

Writer's Workshop - "I wish someone told me..."

2008-10-16T09:05:00.000-07:00

The prompt I chose from Mama Kat http://mamakatslosinit.blogspot.com/this week is: "I wish someone told me..." I wrote it more like a list of things that I have learned through life experience, but need to remind myself.

Here's my list:

Life is short. Do something everyday that you would do if you only had that day left.

Your husband was once your boyfriend. Try and remember to romance him once and a while.

Youth fades. Wrinkles happen. Get over yourself.

Don't count pennies with friends. It all comes out in the wash.

Babies grow up so fast. Take time to dance, sing , play and enjoy the innocence.

It's easy to make a child feel important, praise means so much (to big people too!)

You don't have to be the best at everything.

It feels good to be kind to stangers. Hold doors, let them go first in the grocery line, give them that parking spot.

Not everyone is going to like you. Don't worry about it.

I have to remind myself daily of these things. Some of them I am reminded of while reading your blogs! Thanks for being so honest and open with each other.

Hugs, Rachel

Tricks Are for Mommies: Part 2

2008-10-15T18:58:00.000-07:00

Dear Noah,

My sweet boy, do you know how proud of you I am? Every smile, every clap and wave, mommy is there with you cheering you on. Your accomplishments are mine. In your joy, I share. When you did this today I can't explain the feeling that filled my heart. I have danced for you so many times, but today you danced for me.....

Thank you little man.

I love you.

Wordful Wednesday

2008-10-15T13:39:00.001-07:00

According to Noah, "hay" is not just for horses......

SITS Sistas - Keep on a bloggin'!

2008-10-14T13:35:00.000-07:00

Thought I would join in and spread the love.

I found SITS (http://thesecretisinthesauce.blogspot.com/) while blog-stalking my neighbor Summer. Even though we only live 2 houses apart, I can't wait to read new entries from her fabulous blog: http://www.lemusingsofmoi.blogspot.com/.

Through SITS I have also found some other sistas who I think rock too:

Fresh Mommy: http://tabithablue.blogspot.com/ has some beautiful photos and ideas.

Mama's Losing it: http://mamakatslosinit.blogspot.com/ keeps me wanting to write.

Tiara's and Tantrums: http://trosehoney.blogspot.com/ cracks me up.

S Club 3: http://thesclub.blogspot.com/. I love it cause she has a little dude like I do and can really relate.

These ladies really help me keep the whole "mommy" thing in perspective.

Thanks for the support and the laughs!

Hugs,
Rachel

My Butterfly Effect

2008-10-13T16:38:00.000-07:00

I can't tell you how long I have wanted to see the Sex in the City movie. Unfortunately, I had a 3 month old when it came out and rarely left the house. I suffered through missing it, while I watched commercials, heard about it on the radio, had friends see it and discuss it. I even had a friend who went to the NY premiere. All the while, I kept thinking, "THIS IS NOT FAIR!!! Why am I imprisoned in this house? Why can't I go out and drink Cosmos and be fabulous? Why does my hair smell like formula vomit?"

During my self-imposed imprisonment, I did however manage to Tivo "The Butterfly Effect." Having no desire to shock the poor teens working at Blockbuster, I just went with entertainment that didn't require leaving the house. As my husband and I watched it (in baby-sleeping shifts) I remember thinking it was just ok. Something to think about, but nothing really special. What was special was what followed....

The next day, I woke up with this note:

"Thinking about the millions of different paths life can take makes me remember just how lucky I am - for somehow our little paths crossed and have been intertwined ever since. I am completely and literally happy right where I am - with you, our little boy, the kitties, and our whole lives ahead of us. Love, Bri"

Somehow, despite my post-preggo grumpiness and questionable cleanliness, my husband wrote me a love note. Had we never watched the movie, I would have missed out on this.

Who needs "Sex in the City" anyway? I may not own a pair of Manolo's or be fabulously fashionable, but I found a sweet guy who loves me. Besides, Cosmos always give me a raging hangover anyway....

10 Fears

2008-10-08T19:56:00.000-07:00

The following post is written as part of a blogging-world writing prompt. Kat over at http://mamakatslosinit.blogspot.com/ (a hilarious momma I blog-stalk), gives a few prompts to choose from each week and folks get to write about them and share. I have read many so far, but this is my first time participating....which leads me to my first fear....

I fear:

1. I suck at writing.

Mostly this blog is just me ranting and raving about Mommy life. I don't get much adult conversation during the day, so I don't care about grammar, punctuation or really even content. Its more about venting, and it's cheaper than Prozac. So I fear, that when people actually do read my entries, they think, "eh, BOR-ING."

2. Birds.

I know this is a weird one. But with pea-sized brains, scratchy feet and sharp beaks, these creatures are a recipe for evil. And, as an added bonus, they carry avian bird flu. AWESOME.

3. Germs.

I am not too neurotic about this, but this fear is definitely fueled by those damn Lysol commercials. You know, the ones where you "see" the virus spread from the toilet, to the hands, to the door nob, to the crayons, to the (ahhhh. must stop or will spend the next 2 hours spraying remotes and door nobs).

4. Ghosts.

Completely irrational, yes, I know. But my sis and I have a pretty spooky story about how we both frequently saw the same mysterious woman throughout our childhood (often in our house) and neither of us told each other about it until we were teenagers. My parents, who think we are nuts, never saw her.

5. My car will run out of gas.

I can't let the tank go below a quarter full. I start to sweat when that happens. Can't wait for the day when a own a fully electric car...though I will probably just worry about running out of battery juice....

6. I won't be able to have more children.

Again this is pretty irrational. I was also worried we wouldn't have our first child, so we started trying a little earlier than we planned. He was conceived THE FIRST MONTH we tried. My husband likes to brag about this, claiming his super-sperm only needs "one shot." I guess if they are that "super" I have nothing really to worry about, but I would like Noah to have a little bro or sis someday.

Another child will only add to my list of fears, which brings me to my next one:

7. Noah will:

choke, suffocate, be kidnapped, fall out of his high chair, drown in the bathtub, contract tuberculosis, be exposed to too much violence on t.v, become one of those teenage boys who wears girl's skinny jeans, etc.

8. I will outlive my child and husband.

Too morbid and horrible for explanation.

9. Any part of a fish will touch any part of me.

This one is sort of under the same line as birds, except that instead of sharp, pointy appendages, they have slimy, scaly ones. The thought of any fish (even a nice, sweet one like Nemo) brushing up against me makes my skin crawl.

On a side note, my husband and I went to Bora Bora for our honeymoon. AMAZING place to snorkel. He was a little frustrated at my opting for the "glass bottom boat adventure." Did I also mention he likes to surf? Poor guy. Hey, Bri, if you read this... I am still waiting for a swimming body-bubble (think giant space suit) to be invented. Then, it's sooooo on.

10. I will never complete my book which I started 3 years ago.

Which brings me back to fear #1. But hey, someday I might get there. Let's start with the small things. Maybe I should first try standing next to a bird, or put my toe in the ocean.....does it count if I wear a flipper?

Pennies for the Peanut

2008-10-08T14:36:00.000-07:00

If you are a penny counting mommy, you are light years ahead of me. I usually shop for what's the most convenient with cost being the second consideration on my mind. I usually justify this an a completely irrational manner, such as "I don't spend money on Starbucks, so of course Noah needs another 50 dollars in Halloween onesies, etc" and "I don't shop for myself much anymore, so yes, weekly trips to the Right Start baby store in my neighborhood are necessary."

However, with all the crazy things going on in the economy, I have decided to try and be more responsible when it comes to baby spending. In this spirit, I have tried some new items I would like to review.

1. Pamper's Cruisers vs. Costco Diapers:

The feel of Pampers seems a little nicer, but that may just be because I know they cost more.

However, since wearing the Costco kind, Noah hasn't had any leaks or rashes and seems not to notice the difference. And Costco is way cheaper.

Winner: Costco

2. Target brand wipes vs. Costco Wipes:

Funny, but it seems whenever my son uses the Target wipes, he gets a diaper rash. Could be coincidence, but it's happened 3 times now. Costco wipes work well on bottoms, counter tops, cleaning the hair chair, wiping up spilled food, cleaning up mommy when she didn't have time to shower (maybe that's TMI).

Winner: Costco

3. Aveeno Baby Wash vs. Johnson's:

They both smell decent, though Aveeno smells more like "boy" to me. Ok, because I have a boy. However, even though its a few more dollars, Aveeno wins hands down. After repeated use, Johnson's dries out Noah's skin and the shampoo makes his hair stick straight up. Funny, but in a sad sort of way.

Winner: Aveeno

So far, those are the major three things I have tried. If you have any other recommendations let me know!

Tricks Are For Kids

2008-09-23T13:30:00.000-07:00

Let's be honest, being a new stay-at -home mommy can be rough. It's amazing, cuddly, and sweet too, but some of the time, it can make you want to bang your head against the wall. Luckily for me, my son Noah has a "mama's had it meter." Every few weeks he uses this gauge to dole out a new accomplishment and keep mommy happy (aka from running away to Mexico...j/k!)

Flashback to February when Noah was 6 weeks old. The poor guy had some horrible reflux and gas. He wanted to nurse all the time (every 1 1/2 hrs) or so, then would grunt/cry/fart until the next feeding. It was a nightmarish cycle. My husband and I were both losing it from lack of sleep. After an especially horrible night where I thought I would have to staple my eyes open, he went to sleep for a whole 4 hours!!! When I went to his room to check he was still breathing, he was awake, laying there calmly. All of the sudden HE SMILED AT ME and my heart was so filled with love and happiness (and relief), I get tingly thinking about it right now.

I SO wish I had that on video. What I do have on video is Noah doing his first real wave to Mommy.

Neat trick, huh? Did you hear the excitement in my voice?

The whole morning leading up to this miraculous moment, Noah had been a teething mess. His top two teeth are coming in and he rotates between crying and banging his hand against his mouth. I had already given him Tylenol the past 3 days and I wanted his liver to get a rest, so I suffered through the morning in my pjs, walking Noah around the house.

Around 10am, he arches his back and throws his arms up (which translates to put me down, now!) So I think, "fine, sheesh, my back was hurting anyways!" He takes the next few minutes to crawl up and down the hallway in the opposite direction of me....and then he turns back to me and WAVES! Almost as if he was saying, "Thanks mom, I can handle it now, just checkin in to say hello." It was so sweet. Again, melty, mushy mommy heart.

This begs the question, are "tricks for kids" or are they for the mommies who really seem to need them?

No More Monkeys Jumping on the Bed!

2008-09-19T14:12:00.001-07:00

.....and they all rolled over and one fell off.

As a mother, I define myself by moments shared with my sweet little boy. Yesterday wasn't my finest...Noah fell face first off of our bed onto the (thank God it was carpeted) floor.

We were sitting having a nice "let's read a magazine together" moment on mommy's bed. AKA, I attempt to speed read snippets of articles in Glamour before Noah tears the page out. Not wanting to miss out on any snuggle time, my cat Hermione jumps up on the bed with us. Once she spies that Noah has already taken her favorite spot on the bed, she bolts back down in a huff. The next few seconds happen in slow motion....

1. Noah sports his "I WANT KITTY NOW!" face

2. His back legs become the inspiration for long jumpers everywhere as he rockets himself out of my lap, heading toward the side of the bed

3. Next frame is Noah's excited face as he plummets over the side, still reaching for the cat

(pause....this is where MY HEART STOPS)

4. Noah crashes to the ground head first, then body follows

After the initial (OH MY GOD), I swiped him up into my arms. He and I are both crying hysterically and I imagine the next 30 years with my son as a quadriplegic.

While I am dialing the ped's emergency line I notice he can still move his head back and forth. While I am on hold (grrrrrrrr, it's an emergency people! who has a hold button for this line?) he stops screaming and just whimpers a bit. As I talk to the nurse who assures me "babies are flexible," my sweet baby stops crying altogether and gives Mommy a smile. By the time I am finished memorizing the symptoms of a concussion, he is arching his back and then crawling when I put him down.

Phew. We both survived. But now I am plagued with a horrible case of Mommy Guilt.

Tell me something like this has happened to you. Or do I win "Bad Mommy of the Year Award 2008"?

Mommy Mania

2008-09-11T10:13:00.000-07:00

My Favorite Phrase: "Time to Push the Crazy Back In"

Explanation: Like cotton stuffing popping out of a pillow, every once in a while, Mommy must cram the crazy back into her head.

Once again......it's time.
________________________________________________

Pre-baby I was a typically anxious A-type personality - I crave organization, I agonize over stupid details, I worry too much about what people think. Having a baby has added a whole new layer of crazy into my life.....NOW I STRESS OVER OTHER PEOPLE'S BABIES.

It doesn't matter that I don't know them, I agonize over stranger's babies. I worry over babies I see dangling over the shopping carts at Target, I worry about babies without hats or sunglasses, squinting in the sun. And I stress over that baby eating fries for lunch, how will she get her 2 serving of fruit and veggies? I also want to pick up every sad, crying baby I see and cuddle them. Ok, almost every baby...

I also stress over babies that I know. "That baby isn't taking enough naps, IT WILL GROW UP SLEEP DEPRIVED!" and "That baby is being pushed too hard, just give him the dang juice already, he doesn't freaking want to sign for it."*Note: Most of the mommies I know rock , so I am not talking about you.

I worry over mommies to-be-too. Showers are filled with thoughts like: "Why did so and so only get clothes for her baby, Why didn't she register for bottles, play yards, sheets, pacifers, nail clippers, etc? DOESN'T SHE KNOW HOW MUCH SHIT IT TAKES TO RAISE A BABY!?!?"

Of course, these thoughts run through my head as I let my 8-month-old eat Puffs of an unknown origin off the cat-haired ridden kitchen floor.

Does that make your Mommy alarm go off, or am I the only one who has to push the crazy back in?

A Message for Mommy

2008-08-28T17:57:00.000-07:00

So he's only 8 months, and can't talk yet, but I think he has communicated quite clearly that I have been spending too much time blogging. I came to sit down yesterday and found this.....A lovely pile of spit-up on my office chair. Baby genius or mommy with a ridiculous guilt complex?

You decide.

Bye Bye Binky, Hello Screamy

2008-08-26T14:42:00.000-07:00

You know that bright red panic button that flashes in your brain when your infant cries? You know, the one that screams, "Warning, your baby is in danger, please respond immediately or your child will be emotionally crippled and IT WILL BE YOUR FAULT!"

Mine's been going off all week long. My DH and I decided to wean Noah from his pacifier.

I didn't think it would be quite so traumatic for all of us. He usually just takes it to fall asleep. I would rock him gently, place the Binky in, and the little guy would drift peacefully to sleep within 5 minutes. I figured, hey, it will be almost the same....I will rock, I will sing...he will love it. Mommy is just so soothing....blah blah blah. Boy, was I stupid. It wasn't my awesome soothing skills that did it. It was that damn Binky. He really NEEDS it to fall asleep.

NO BINKY = MUCHO SCREAMY.

If you are a mother, or have read pretty much any Parent Magazine, I am sure you are familiar with the 2 major "sleep" theories:

1. Let cry it out

2. Don't let them cry it out (or do the combo Ferber thing)

The completely ridiculous thing is that you can find evidence in each book stating that doing the other will cause major emotional trauma to to your child. I figure I turned out mostly ok, so in desperation I asked my mom what she did with me. She said "scream it out." (I guess I didn't just cry, I was a screamer.)

LIKE MOTHER, LIKE SON!

When we started this god-forsaken endeavor last week he was doing 45-60 minutes of the "rage" cry before sleeping. You know the one that builds into a scream so violent you think they will projectile vomit? Yeah, we went through three days of that.

Fortunately, I am over the whole "this will damage your child" mentally. I can't remember two seconds of my infancy and according to my mother, I cried a WHOLE lot. But I have to admit that listening to his crying kicks my nervous system into high gear. My heart beats faster, I can't sit still. FREAKIN BIOLOGICAL RESPONSES. Umm. I mean "ahhh. the joys of being a woman/mother."

So once again I called my mother (who by now is glowing with the fact she is "teaching" me something...and seems suspisciously smug that my crying karma has come around and bit me on the ass). I ask her, "What did you do to drown out the mommy alarm?" In her infinite wisdom she related, "I watched taped episodes of Dallas and Falcon Crest." I guess their drama out-weighed mine.

I figure The Hills, Project Runway, and the rest of reality tv all have enough drama to beat out my little guy's screams. This morning it only took 10 minutes of listening to Spencer berate his sister for (gasp) inviting Lauren to her birthday party and HURRAY! - Noah stopped crying and went to sleep.

My alarm still goes off. Now I just think, hmmm. What's on Tivo?

Hasta la Vista, Boobies

2008-08-24T20:47:00.000-07:00

Good morning stretch marks! I was putting a tshirt on this morning and had to do a double take at the ladies that once gloriously sat upon my chest.

For the last 7 months I have been a breastfeeding mama. While they were frequently hard, leaky, and sore, at least they were there and noticeable. Before this, I had been an "A" team member since age 12, and to actually go out and by a "C" bra was cause for some definite celebration. Ok, so most of them were nursing bras, but hey, I will take it.

Last month, Noah decided he just wasn't that into breastfeeding anymore. I checked to make sure it wasn't "a strike." Nope, for 3 solid weeks he wanted a bottle and a bottle with formula. I would attempt latch, he would shove his two chubby arms against my chest and throw his head back. Considering that formula smells like sour toes, I was a little hurt by this. I was also sad that we were missing out on our "lovey, cuddle" time.

I have had a few weeks to get over it. But now, here is the reality that it's really over, staring me in the face yet again. With my milk dried up, I am pitching for the A team was again...and appearantly my team likes stripes....

Noah Debunks Baby Myths

2008-08-24T15:07:00.000-07:00

This is for all the mommies-to-be. You hear so much advice when you are pregnant, I just thought I would share some things that didn't turn out to be true with Noah. However, like all the books say "every baby is different..yada yada yada.."

Baby Myths:

1. The swing will save your life. False
It appears Noah thinks the swing will end his life. He screams after about 10 minutes in it.

2. Your pacifier brand matters. False
When he gets pissed, any brand (even a questionably clean finger) will do. He just wants to suck. Even not so mad, he doesn't seem to notice the difference, but the Avent pacifiers stay in better than Soothies, meaning less scurrying back to him to stick it back in.

3. Swaddling makes them sleep longer. True
Watch our little guy when he is sleepy and you will be surprised with the accuracy of his karate kid impersonation. For some reason, when he is tired, he is so active it freaks him out. This has calmed down a lot now that he is older, but very very true in the first 3 months.

4. Play only soothing music to your baby. False
I got this one from the Baby Whisperer. Unlike British kids, our unborn child was subjected to background Britney exposure. You just can't escape her. Noah loves pop music and loves to watch momma dance. The more upbeat, the better.

5. Baby sleeps better with you. True
If he could, he would sleep with us 24/7. This might become a problem during his high school years, so we are trying to keep him in his crib for now.

6. The first 6 weeks suck. True and False
There are things that suck for sure. Like not sleeping. This is a major problem as you are not supposed to consume caffeine. What kind of dirty trick is that? Also, you aren't always sure why they are crying. This is a hard one, watching them be so upset for a reason you just can't figure out.Then there are things that are the opposite of sucking. Like everything else. Holding him, talking to him, just being in the same house, makes you feel like the luckiest person in the world.

Its an amazing feeling. Good luck to all the new mommies out there!

iPhone-tastic!

2008-08-24T09:31:00.000-07:00

To all my technically challenged sisters out there, take heart, the iPhone is so easy to use even a 5 year old can use it! (literally, I had to have a neighbor's kid find me directions to his house with it).

The best part about the phone is the easy use of the camera. I often find cuteness througout my day, but I never have the camera around. I almost always have my phone.

Now that Noah is here, no more pics of the cats, I promise. :P

Here are some of the best of the iPhone photos:

6 Months Later

2008-08-24T09:23:00.000-07:00

Noah James is getting so big.

If you are an obsessive picture-taking, blogging mom like me, you have documented the good, the bad and definitely the wet and squishy.

Please pardon me as I reminisce. Here is an entry I wrote after Noah's first month back in February:

Hey guys! As Noah's first month comes to an end, I find myself thinking 'Wow! It went so fast!' It has been one of the best (and most challenging) months of my life and I wouldn't trade it for the world. I have cried endless amounts of post-preggo tears. I cry tears of fear for his chokey chokey noises ('choking' in mommy language). I cried sometimes just because he is crying. I have cried when I went away from him (on errands, not off clubbing...who am I, Britney?), but mostly I have cried because when I look at him, I am so overwhelmed with love, I just can't stop them.

My shirt hasn't only been wet from tears, however. In the last few weeks I have become a virtual milk fountain. I have so much milk in fact that the lactation consultant has called it an 'oversupply.' While this doesn't sound like a bad thing, it actually is pretty problematic. It causes Noah to choke and sputter while feeding. It leads to horrible gas and squirty green poos so loud, people probably think they are testing weapons at the Miramar base. Who would have imagined that out of these former 'A' team members would spring forth this super-soaker amount of milk? I don't know. Life is funny like that I guess. We are working on it though. Thank goodness for the Leche League. The nice ladies there have given us some tips to help the poor guy out.

And like you would expect, some funny things have happened too. Brian has learned a new form of speaking. I call it the 'nosleepese.' Some examples of this form of communication involve exchanges where is eyes are completely closed, but he is sitting up. My favorite example came Friday @ around 3am when I asked him to hand me Noah out of his bassinet so I could feed him. Head on the pillow and completely alseep, Bri replied 'Could I just make you a copy?' After giggling for about a minute I replied 'No, I think the original would work best please.' Another favorite of mine occurred when I looked at him in the middle of the night and he was half-way down the bed, curled tightly in the fetal position. I asked, 'Would you like a pillow?' Once again, eyes closed, he stated 'I would like a bourbon.' .....Wouldn't we all?

Other humorous incidents have involved more bodily fluids. I can't help but want to buy the little guy some safety glasses. He manages to squirt himself in the face at a changing at least once a day. I also think I should buy a rain jacket for my poor clothes. Sorry if you come to visit and I smell...don't ask...it could just be milk... :P Speaking of milk, I also received a nice shot of it myself - IN MY MOUTH, PROJECTED OUT OF HIS MOUTH. Never look directly at Noah when you are burping him. Well I guess you can look, just don't have your mouth open in concern, like a complete idiot. Other new adventures continue to occur. We went to the beach for the first time. We went out to eat for the first time, though we made the people next to us move..... We also got to nap together (Bri and I) for the first time in a long time. I am sure the next few months will be filled with many 'firsts.' I will try and keep you guys updated. If these blog entries become TMI, just look at the cute Noah pictures instead! I don't seem to have a good filter for what people can tolerate. I like to 'keep it real' as Tyra would say. Oh god, I just quoted Tyra Banks..Don't think badly of me, please, I've been up since 4 :D

Milky hugs and wet kisses,Rach