Saturday, October 3, 2009

The Housewife Survival Handbook

The first part of this post starts at our local Barnes and Noble; a mecca for the stay at home mom. As soon as I swing open the door and the rush of cool, coffee scented air fills my lungs, I feel my shoulders relax and my grip on Noah's struggling hand release. He runs to the train table and mama grabs herself a whipped frap and a magazine.

This is one our afternoon routines I look forward to and it usually goes pretty smoothly (unless there are not enough trains for all the kiddies, then the claws come out). This particular afternoon I had finished my US weekly and Noah was still busy with James and Percy, so I decided to check out the clearance aisle. I freely admit I am a book junkie and that the only way to support my habit is either through my enabling friends or books with a red tag. Surely, those book purchases are justifiable. The red label means it's close to free, right?

Anyhoo, the title of this book caught my eye:

It was the Improved Housewife that did it. Clearly I could use some improving. Typically my "recipes" consist of whatever Trader Joe's packages I warmed up and my home-maker uniform/outfit is usually post-park grunge with a smear of apple sauce.

I admit, I was a little freaked out about the words marketing and carving. Was the author still talking about food here? Or were we on more dangerous territory? Did I need marketing or carving? After reading that US Weekly, I wasn't so sure.

I had to laugh then when I opened the book and found the copyright date. 1851. Ok, phew.
Whatever mana of knowledge this book contained has been since drained by the age of the mircowaves and micro-minis. That's more like the mama's I know.

But still, I was left with a yearning...where was my year 2000 survival guide? Where are bullet points on 10 minute recipes that prepare themselves and an accompanying educational activity to do with your toddler while that meal is cooking? Where are the paragraphs under the heading "What to do on Wednesday when you've already been to the zoo once and the park 3 times this week?" or "How to answer important phone calls when your toddler is screaming?"

I searched Google. I couldn't find it.

So ladies, I throw this task out to you. I have read some pretty freakin-awesome blogs out there and I know you mamas are up for the challenge.

If they can have this:

They can have The Housewife Survival Handbook. I mean, it's only fair. That first book might even lead to being a housewife.
Also, you can totally take my title. Just send me a free copy so I can read it while I am sipping my latte at Barnes and Noble and we are cool.


Golden Girl {Kiki} said...

i enjoy a mocha and magazine break at Barnes and Noble as well. i used to bring lil' D so he can play trains, but his 4 yr old mind can't deal with the communication barriers he has with the 2 and 3 yr olds. he is a Thomas fanatic and knows everything about those dang shows and trains. it is an expensive hobby. he has started another year of pre-school so those breaks are "me" time. great book choices BTW. take care.

Anonymous said...


Candice said...

"How to answer important phone calls when your toddler is screaming?"

2 words. Duct tape.


Em said...

Choose your mate carefully - perferably one that is able to provide a maid, a nanny, a hot pool boy and a smokin' landscaper.

Not necessarily in that order.

Too shallow?

I married for love. Fool!!

Fresh Mommy said...

I'm so with ya, I'd read that book as well! I think it'd be a bestseller!! And oh the big B&N, we love that place too!!


Ali said...

I forgot about B&N! Isla and I wandered in once when she was 4 months old and the day still stands out as a highlight - a huge (kind of smelly) comfy chair and a bunch of wedding and gossip mags - my kind of heaven!
It isn't a guidebook, but one of my faves is To Hell with All That, Loving & Loathing Your Inner Housewife. Remind me to lend it to you at Tiny Halloween.

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