Friday, February 12, 2010

Mama, Nooooooooo! Keep Your Face On!

It tickles me that I learn something new about parenting every day. And by "tickles me" I really mean that in the heat of the moment I want scream and throw things, but later I manage to find some semblance of humor in the situation.


Today, like many days, I dragged Noah somewhere we wasn't too excited to go. After a week of dark circles and the discovery of yet more fine lines (nothing "fine" about those jerks), I was in serious need of some beautifying. Since Botox scares me and is a bit out of my price range, I decided a nice brow wax would suffice. I think I read in Cosmo once that brow waxes are like a mini-face lift. Sure if your brows look like this, I guess...



But mine was nothing so dramatic. I just wanted a little pampering before a Valentine's Day date this weekend.


Anyhoo, off to the spa we went. I came armed with cookies, milk and a download of the Wiggles on my iPhone. (This is the part where I am supposed to seem experienced and wise as a parent).
I mean a brow wax is what, like 15 minutes? Surely he couldn't cause that much damage in such a short amount of time.


I waited until we were going down the hall to the spa to pull out the goodies and Noah began to wolf down the cookies as soon as the treatment door closed. 45 seconds after he finished the cookies (seriously there was a whole freaking bag of them. gone in less than a minute) he began to pay more and more attention to what was going on.


Noah: What Mama doing?

Me: Don't worry about it sweetie. Here, check out this video. It has Captain Feathersword, your fav-or-ite!!!

Noah: Hmmm. No thanks. What Mama doing?

Me: Well honey, Mama's getting her eyebrows done. I want to look nice for Papa.


*first strip is ripped off*


Noah (voice elevating): Noooo! I don't like it. Don't do it anymore!!!


*rip*
*rip*


Noah: AHHHHHHH. NO MAMA. KEEP YOUR FACE ON!!! DON'T. HURT. MY. MAMA!!!


This lead to inconsolable crying and screaming, which may have put a damper on the woman in the next room's therapeutic massage. The poor girl working on my brows is so freaked at the intensity of the crying that she actually backs up into the corner with her hands up.


So, yeah, I left with one eyebrow done.


Currently, I look less like Freida, and more like this:





But at least I kept most of my "face on."

Lesson learned. Good thing I didn't go in for a bikini wax.

11 comments:

jenn said...

Haha. That's hilarious. But stressful if you were there of course. Kids minds are so funny sometimes.

Jen said...

LOL! That is too funny. Hope that you went back with out Noah to get the other one done.

Ali said...

Oh my - maybe you can use the "done" eye brow as a template for the 2nd one.

Candice said...

BWAAA HAAA HAAAAAA!

Note to self. Pamper yourself solo.

Bar-b said...

"KEEP YOUR FACE ON!!!", lol. You are one brave and cocky woman to take a toddler to the spa and try to *do* anything. That did make me laugh though. Your bag of cookies (and how they gave you all of 45 seconds) reminds me of what I take on flights for my two and I am always like , "please don't let us wait too long at the terminal or the tarmac, b/c I need to space these treats out".

I had a for real life experience with a bikini wax. After half of the half of my bikini was "done", I said "f*ck this", paid the girl and left, quarter bikini done and all.

Ali said...

Are you "clothes shopping" on my blog? :-)
Play date soon!

Jodi said...

Awww...what a little sweetie! How cute! Hope you can get some pampering done on your own!

cheekymama said...

That's just hilarious. Sorry for cracking up at your expense. Beauty shops and babes don't really go hand in hand but sadly can't be helped at this stage.

Stopped by because I love your blog name and adding it to my list of Hot Blog Titles that I'll post about on my blog:
http://babesabouttown.com

Fresh Mommy said...

LOL, that is hilarious!!! Hope you were able to get the other one done!! I had mine threaded (or whatever that is called) with Aliyah one time... she was inquisitive, but didn't freak out. This story is just too funny. :)

happygal said...

This is so dang hilarious, I am still giggling!

Sera said...

Ooooh, my goodness. Poor kid! I took Kaylee with me once to get my brows done and she flipped, too. It was quite a few months ago and she wasn't saying much at that point. She just looked terrified and cried - I really think she thought I was being tortured. Poor little Noah! Tell me you were able to go back the next day to get the other half done! It's so not fair to you - you brought cookies AND the Wiggles.