It tickles me that I learn something new about parenting every day. And by "tickles me" I really mean that in the heat of the moment I want scream and throw things, but later I manage to find some semblance of humor in the situation.
Today, like many days, I dragged Noah somewhere we wasn't too excited to go. After a week of dark circles and the discovery of yet more fine lines (nothing "fine" about those jerks), I was in serious need of some beautifying. Since Botox scares me and is a bit out of my price range, I decided a nice brow wax would suffice. I think I read in Cosmo once that brow waxes are like a mini-face lift. Sure if your brows look like this, I guess...
But mine was nothing so dramatic. I just wanted a little pampering before a Valentine's Day date this weekend.
Anyhoo, off to the spa we went. I came armed with cookies, milk and a download of the Wiggles on my iPhone. (This is the part where I am supposed to seem experienced and wise as a parent).
I mean a brow wax is what, like 15 minutes? Surely he couldn't cause that much damage in such a short amount of time.
I waited until we were going down the hall to the spa to pull out the goodies and Noah began to wolf down the cookies as soon as the treatment door closed. 45 seconds after he finished the cookies (seriously there was a whole freaking bag of them. gone in less than a minute) he began to pay more and more attention to what was going on.
Noah: What Mama doing?
Me: Don't worry about it sweetie. Here, check out this video. It has Captain Feathersword, your fav-or-ite!!!
Noah: Hmmm. No thanks. What Mama doing?
Me: Well honey, Mama's getting her eyebrows done. I want to look nice for Papa.
*first strip is ripped off*
Noah (voice elevating): Noooo! I don't like it. Don't do it anymore!!!
Noah: AHHHHHHH. NO MAMA. KEEP YOUR FACE ON!!! DON'T. HURT. MY. MAMA!!!
This lead to inconsolable crying and screaming, which may have put a damper on the woman in the next room's therapeutic massage. The poor girl working on my brows is so freaked at the intensity of the crying that she actually backs up into the corner with her hands up.
So, yeah, I left with one eyebrow done.
Currently, I look less like Freida, and more like this:
But at least I kept most of my "face on."
Lesson learned. Good thing I didn't go in for a bikini wax.
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