Tricks Are For Kids

Let's be honest, being a new stay-at -home mommy can be rough. It's amazing, cuddly, and sweet too, but some of the time, it can make you want to bang your head against the wall. Luckily for me, my son Noah has a "mama's had it meter." Every few weeks he uses this gauge to dole out a new accomplishment and keep mommy happy (aka from running away to Mexico...j/k!)

Flashback to February when Noah was 6 weeks old. The poor guy had some horrible reflux and gas. He wanted to nurse all the time (every 1 1/2 hrs) or so, then would grunt/cry/fart until the next feeding. It was a nightmarish cycle. My husband and I were both losing it from lack of sleep. After an especially horrible night where I thought I would have to staple my eyes open, he went to sleep for a whole 4 hours!!! When I went to his room to check he was still breathing, he was awake, laying there calmly. All of the sudden HE SMILED AT ME and my heart was so filled with love and happiness (and relief), I get tingly thinking about it right now.

I SO wish I had that on video. What I do have on video is Noah doing his first real wave to Mommy.

Neat trick, huh? Did you hear the excitement in my voice?

The whole morning leading up to this miraculous moment, Noah had been a teething mess. His top two teeth are coming in and he rotates between crying and banging his hand against his mouth. I had already given him Tylenol the past 3 days and I wanted his liver to get a rest, so I suffered through the morning in my pjs, walking Noah around the house.

Around 10am, he arches his back and throws his arms up (which translates to put me down, now!) So I think, "fine, sheesh, my back was hurting anyways!" He takes the next few minutes to crawl up and down the hallway in the opposite direction of me....and then he turns back to me and WAVES! Almost as if he was saying, "Thanks mom, I can handle it now, just checkin in to say hello." It was so sweet. Again, melty, mushy mommy heart.

This begs the question, are "tricks for kids" or are they for the mommies who really seem to need them?

No More Monkeys Jumping on the Bed!

.....and they all rolled over and one fell off.

As a mother, I define myself by moments shared with my sweet little boy. Yesterday wasn't my finest...Noah fell face first off of our bed onto the (thank God it was carpeted) floor.

We were sitting having a nice "let's read a magazine together" moment on mommy's bed. AKA, I attempt to speed read snippets of articles in Glamour before Noah tears the page out. Not wanting to miss out on any snuggle time, my cat Hermione jumps up on the bed with us. Once she spies that Noah has already taken her favorite spot on the bed, she bolts back down in a huff. The next few seconds happen in slow motion....

1. Noah sports his "I WANT KITTY NOW!" face

2. His back legs become the inspiration for long jumpers everywhere as he rockets himself out of my lap, heading toward the side of the bed

3. Next frame is Noah's excited face as he plummets over the side, still reaching for the cat

(pause....this is where MY HEART STOPS)

4. Noah crashes to the ground head first, then body follows

After the initial (OH MY GOD), I swiped him up into my arms. He and I are both crying hysterically and I imagine the next 30 years with my son as a quadriplegic.

While I am dialing the ped's emergency line I notice he can still move his head back and forth. While I am on hold (grrrrrrrr, it's an emergency people! who has a hold button for this line?) he stops screaming and just whimpers a bit. As I talk to the nurse who assures me "babies are flexible," my sweet baby stops crying altogether and gives Mommy a smile. By the time I am finished memorizing the symptoms of a concussion, he is arching his back and then crawling when I put him down.


Phew. We both survived. But now I am plagued with a horrible case of Mommy Guilt.

Tell me something like this has happened to you. Or do I win "Bad Mommy of the Year Award 2008"?

Mommy Mania

My Favorite Phrase: "Time to Push the Crazy Back In"

Explanation: Like cotton stuffing popping out of a pillow, every once in a while, Mommy must cram the crazy back into her head.

Once again......it's time.
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Pre-baby I was a typically anxious A-type personality - I crave organization, I agonize over stupid details, I worry too much about what people think. Having a baby has added a whole new layer of crazy into my life.....NOW I STRESS OVER OTHER PEOPLE'S BABIES.

It doesn't matter that I don't know them, I agonize over stranger's babies. I worry over babies I see dangling over the shopping carts at Target, I worry about babies without hats or sunglasses, squinting in the sun. And I stress over that baby eating fries for lunch, how will she get her 2 serving of fruit and veggies? I also want to pick up every sad, crying baby I see and cuddle them. Ok, almost every baby...

I also stress over babies that I know. "That baby isn't taking enough naps, IT WILL GROW UP SLEEP DEPRIVED!" and "That baby is being pushed too hard, just give him the dang juice already, he doesn't freaking want to sign for it."*Note: Most of the mommies I know rock , so I am not talking about you.

I worry over mommies to-be-too. Showers are filled with thoughts like: "Why did so and so only get clothes for her baby, Why didn't she register for bottles, play yards, sheets, pacifers, nail clippers, etc? DOESN'T SHE KNOW HOW MUCH SHIT IT TAKES TO RAISE A BABY!?!?"


Of course, these thoughts run through my head as I let my 8-month-old eat Puffs of an unknown origin off the cat-haired ridden kitchen floor.



Does that make your Mommy alarm go off, or am I the only one who has to push the crazy back in?