Bye Bye Binky, Hello Screamy

You know that bright red panic button that flashes in your brain when your infant cries? You know, the one that screams, "Warning, your baby is in danger, please respond immediately or your child will be emotionally crippled and IT WILL BE YOUR FAULT!"

Mine's been going off all week long. My DH and I decided to wean Noah from his pacifier.

I didn't think it would be quite so traumatic for all of us. He usually just takes it to fall asleep. I would rock him gently, place the Binky in, and the little guy would drift peacefully to sleep within 5 minutes. I figured, hey, it will be almost the same....I will rock, I will sing...he will love it. Mommy is just so soothing....blah blah blah. Boy, was I stupid. It wasn't my awesome soothing skills that did it. It was that damn Binky. He really NEEDS it to fall asleep.

NO BINKY = MUCHO SCREAMY.

If you are a mother, or have read pretty much any Parent Magazine, I am sure you are familiar with the 2 major "sleep" theories:

1. Let cry it out

2. Don't let them cry it out (or do the combo Ferber thing)

The completely ridiculous thing is that you can find evidence in each book stating that doing the other will cause major emotional trauma to to your child. I figure I turned out mostly ok, so in desperation I asked my mom what she did with me. She said "scream it out." (I guess I didn't just cry, I was a screamer.)

LIKE MOTHER, LIKE SON!

When we started this god-forsaken endeavor last week he was doing 45-60 minutes of the "rage" cry before sleeping. You know the one that builds into a scream so violent you think they will projectile vomit? Yeah, we went through three days of that.

Fortunately, I am over the whole "this will damage your child" mentally. I can't remember two seconds of my infancy and according to my mother, I cried a WHOLE lot. But I have to admit that listening to his crying kicks my nervous system into high gear. My heart beats faster, I can't sit still. FREAKIN BIOLOGICAL RESPONSES. Umm. I mean "ahhh. the joys of being a woman/mother."

So once again I called my mother (who by now is glowing with the fact she is "teaching" me something...and seems suspisciously smug that my crying karma has come around and bit me on the ass). I ask her, "What did you do to drown out the mommy alarm?" In her infinite wisdom she related, "I watched taped episodes of Dallas and Falcon Crest." I guess their drama out-weighed mine.

I figure The Hills, Project Runway, and the rest of reality tv all have enough drama to beat out my little guy's screams. This morning it only took 10 minutes of listening to Spencer berate his sister for (gasp) inviting Lauren to her birthday party and HURRAY! - Noah stopped crying and went to sleep.

My alarm still goes off. Now I just think, hmmm. What's on Tivo?