Trolling For Nannies

I am ashamed to admit that I thought way too much about what I looked like today. I searched the depths of the laundry for my "cute" jeans. I found my trendy, but comfortable sneakers. I even broke my "weekdays are for ponytails" rule and gave my hair a brushing!

All for what? Because today I was going nanny hunting! I am looking to start working part time again which has lead me on a quest to find:

• A nanny with a sweet demeanor. Screaming drill sergeants need not apply.
• An engaged caretaker. For example, please refrain from texting or emailing while baby is creeping into the street, eating dog poop, etc.
• A nanny with a light touch. Picking up Noah by one arm (did you guys see that hidden nanny cam video? yikes!) is NOT ok.

Basically if he is happy and alive at the end of the day, we are good to go.

In my quest to find Noah's new nanny, I wanted to at least look like (um, fake) that I have it somewhat together. I wanted to portray "fun and responsible," and not at all d-e-s-p-e-r-a-t-e. I find people tend to want to work for you more when they think you aren't an insomniac with a dirty house. Insert hastily ironed clothing and makeup to cover dark circles.

Where would I find this magical stand-in mommy? Our community tot-park of course! The best place to see a nanny in action is when she is surrounded by kids (does this make me a stalker? probably). So after lunch I threw on my "I am totally not spying on you" sunglasses, grabbed Noah and headed to the park.

Jackpot! There were tons of kids there! I spied the potentials:

Nanny A looked promising! She was sitting with her kiddos in the sand and playing cars. They seemed to be having a great time until "Rrrrriiinnnnggg" her mobile rang and a string of "wtf!?" and "omfg!" flew out of her mouth. Ummm, no. Not someone I want my kid learning to talk from.

Nanny B was obviously overwhelmed chasing back and forth between two dogs and two kids. She was sweating and had a constant look of worry around her eyes. I don't think I could pay that poor woman enough to make it worth her while.

Nanny C I didn't even bother watching. One glance at the three shoeless kids, one playing in the fire pit and the baby eating sand made me want to pick up the kidlets and call their mama.

The best nannies I saw today seemed to be related to the kids. In fact, I think most were mommies. (I managed to sneak in a "Oh they are adorable! Are they yours?" a few times to find the answer was, "yes, they are mine." sigh.)

I refuse to give up this easily. I was a nanny for 3 years and I managed to not kill any of the 4 kids I took care of. Noah's nanny is out there and I will find her!

So I'd better throw those "I am so fun, come work for me!" jeans in the wash. Next week I'll be trolling for nannies once more.